Out A Luck, Out A Love

When the file sharing site, Photobucket, recently changed it’s terms of service to restrict posting photos by sharing links, I decided it was a good time to clean house. I had so many images linked to previous fandom’s fan-forums, that were essentially worthless now (grr!). I thought I might look for a new place to store them, even though there really wasn’t much of a need anymore. Whatever pics I post on the blogs, are uploaded and stored there, with a few of my favorites that I keep on my own computer for easy access. So I downloaded the individual albums that I wanted to keep, placing them in a folder to deal with later. Fast forward a few days to when I was deleting all the outdated install files on my computer, and I accidentally deleted the Photobucket files in the frenzy (label your folders, people!). Not only that, but I was in such a cleaning mood that I also emptied my recycle bin. yeah. I didn’t mind losing all that stuff, it really was clutter that I could do without. All the good stuff has been uploaded to the blog libraries, though it’s not exactly the best set up for browsing. So, what does all of this mean? It means I currently have 6 images of RA at my fingertips. six. S-I-X. talk about starting over…

if you’re curious, the other crush count is:

  • Ewan McGregor- 1
  • Christian Bale- 2
  • Robert Pattinson- 9
  • Jamie Dornan- 12
  • Chris Evans- 1
  • Dan Stevens- 76

but who has a whole blog dedicated to them, Richard? huh? You. 😉

 

After All This Time, I’m Still Into You

what if there was one time in your life, where everything made sense? what wouldn’t you do to go back? ~Lucas North, MI5

It’s been almost a year since I decided to close Nowhere In Particular RA and stop posting about Richard Armitage. It feels like a lifetime ago. I’ve realized many things since then, both on and offline, done so much evaluating and analyzing, introspections and reflections. I briefly took up the RA pen again to sort out some of my feelings, only to cap it just a short time later. It did free me up from the boundaries I had fenced myself into, in regards to my fangirling. I went on to discover someone new, threw myself into the researching phase again, but Richard was always there in the background. I watched The Hobbit trilogy again, and cried much more than I should have at the end. I watched North & South again, and whispered “I am” when John implored Margaret to ‘look back at me’. I revisited the fanvids and clicked on the Richard Armitage suggested videos that popped up on Youtube, as I continued to chase my new crush. RA wasn’t forgotten, just quieter than he was before. lingering.

This past summer, the anxiety issues that have popped in and out of my life since childhood, unexpectedly came back with a vengeance. It’s turned me inside out and upside down but also brought me to a place devoid of all the daily noise that had pushed and pulled me back and forth, the last few years. When all the clutter was cleared away, guess who I still saw standing there? Richard. I chose to keep him to myself for awhile, reliving the memories and experiencing them in new ways. I’m ready to share him again.

Fangirling has always helped shape my identity and so I need to nurture the fangirl part of myself that exists online, in order to help the part of me that is struggling offline. I want to include Richard in that; the blogging, the fandom, the fan interaction that I’ve missed during my time away. I’m not sure what direction I’ll take this time around, I have no plan. At all (YIKES!!). I still stan my new crush on Twitter, and occasionally on my Getting Caught Up In The Mechanism blog, but I need an ‘All Richard’ space again too. I crave it.

I’m starting over. with no plan. It’s scary, but it feels right. To new beginnings…

and I want to tell you everything, the words I never got to say the first time around 

Soldier Boy

the muse seems to have awoken from his slumber for a bit. I’m going to save the analyzing for later and just enjoy it; I’ve missed him.

Meet Cute: John Porter

 

1.) What was your first impression of me?

I hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go

hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go

 

2.) What is your idea of a truly romantic evening with me?

when we start out slow dancing to romantic music, but end with you… being you.

Hey Macarena!

Hey Macarena!

 

3.) Something that you’d like to change in me but don’t have the nerve to tell me

your housekeeping skills

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Living Room: done.

 

4.) Which 3 parts of my body are your favorites, and why?

your tummy, because I have a thing for your navel

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your arms, because I have a thing for your biceps

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and your gun, just because

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5.) 3 qualities that attracted you when we first met, or once you got to know me

Helpful

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Thoughtful

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Never Give Up

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outta my way! The Walking Dead is on!

 

6.) What is our favorite movie to watch together, and our favorite song?

movie: Love Actually because, Mark 

song: Same Old Me and You because, there’s just something about that guy who sings it!

 

7.) Fruit or vegetable I resemble, and why

Eggplant. no reason.

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8.) Our first date, where did it take place and what did we do?

we were on opposing teams of a Paintball war. I get a little crazed playing wargames. I like to taunt my victims, I mean opponents, before shooting them. you said you liked the wild look in my eyes, it intrigued you. well, first it terrified you, then it intrigued you. we started dating a week later, after you recovered.

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red is the color of love

 

9.) If we hadn’t met, where would you be right now?

Farmersonly dot com

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10.) What was on your mind the last time we were intimate?

 

11.) What was the first thing we said to one another?

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big words for someone who was cowering at my feet. so cute!!

 

12.) What do you like the best about me?

how well you take orders

such a good boy

such a good soldier boy