Embraceable Me: a fan history

A few fandom members seem to be looking back lately and recalling why they were drawn to Richard Armitage initially. So I thought this might be a good time to look back a bit at my fan history, in the general sense, what led me to embrace this particular type of hobby.

*look back, look back at me!*
look back, look back at me

I’ve always enjoyed watching movies and television. Being an extremely shy child, it became an easy way for me to connect with family members who didn’t quite know how to interact with me.

if we’re in the same room, that counts as spending time together

My father and I would regularly watch westerns, spy thrillers, and Karate films together.

blood optional
blood optional

You’re not allowed to talk when watching television with my Dad, questions have to wait for commercials or until the end credits roll. this caused me to often miss the plot entirely.

what just happened?
what just happened?

My older brother and I would memorize movie lines word-for-word and shout them out while the movie was playing.

"you're not gonna fall for the banana in the tailpipe?"
you’re not gonna fall for the banana in the tailpipe?

This was the only time our activities together didn’t involve competition of some sort, or end with me crying.

"may the Schwartz be with you"
may the Schwartz be with you

As I grew older and my viewing partners became wrapped up in their responsibilities

 "time to make the donuts!"
time to make the donuts!

I spent my time engulfed in old black & white reruns on television.

Eddie Haskell, Denis the Menace; I liked those mischievous boy-next-door types
Eddie Haskell, Denis the Menace; I liked those mischievous types

And while my school friends moved on into puberty without me–I fought against it, kicking and screaming!



we acquired pay-per-view movies and I was in Heaven!

as I said, Heaven
as I said, Heaven

Being the serious-minded child I was, my tastes ran more towards war, separation, and death.

I was a barrel of laughs!
I was a barrel of laughs!

Puberty did eventually catch up with me, and brought with it the propensity to crush on cute boys.

sit by me at Lunch? check "yes" or "no"
sit by me at Lunch? check yes or no

After I was married and moved away from family and friends, the hobby of crushing on actors became a comfort to me. As an adult, different things interested me than before. I was attracted to the personal way an actor approached their craft, and what type of character lay underneath that chameleon skin. I needed to respect these men in order to admire them.


were they the kind of men that would not only watch television alongside of me, but encourage my questions about the plot?

*interesting viewpoint*
interesting viewpoint

were they the kind of men who could lightheartedly tease without being purposely mean?

thank you for asking
thank you for asking

I recently read a suggestion that the average duration of an intense infatuation is 3 years. Hmm. Well, my first adult celebrity crush (Ewan McGregor) ran it’s course for 8 years. Granted, I kept it quiet for awhile and never interacted with anyone concerning it.

it's probably worth mentioning that I could hardly write an e-mail at this point; computers inevitably broke when I touched them
it’s probably worth mentioning that I could hardly write an e-mail at this point; computers broke when I touched them

Crush number two (Christian Bale) went strong for 5 years. I was heavily active on a fan-forum with this one. (still didn’t know how to post a picture, or even understand the concept of fan-fiction though)

other people care what I think?
other people care what I think?

Number three was a book series and actor wrapped into one (Twilight/Robert Pattinson), and it lasted 3 years. I was the most involved in that one. I fought those pesky computer gremlins and overcame my technophobia!

I not only know what that button does, I also know it's name!
I not only know what that button does, I also know it’s name!

Number two hasn’t really left, just the obsessive nature surrounding it.


I moved on from number three for various reasons that didn’t necessarily concern me, personally.

Snow White did what to the sparkly vampire, again? look, unless it's about a dwarf named Thorin, I just don't care.
Snow White did what to the sparkly vampire? unless it’s about a dwarf named Thorin, I just don’t care.

I sometimes hover around the fandom fringes of my favorite television show (Lost), or my favorite book series (Outlander), but getting into long-winded debates about them just doesn’t interest me.


So taking into account my history, how long will this crush on Richard Armitage last?

signs point to yes
signs point to yes

I try to embrace what makes me happy. There will always be those who don’t understand; I’m not forcing them to. This is me and it always has been, to varying degrees. I celebrate and share that which I admire. I’m better with it than without it; that should be explanation enough.


as long as this continues, I can see myself settling down here quite contentedly. The fresh air is nice and the exercise is proving beneficial. The scenery is enjoyable too…


22 thoughts on “Embraceable Me: a fan history

      1. That would be right.The only crushes I had were Pierce Brosnan, when he first came on the scene, and Tom Berenger, who is not very well know- though he won an Emmy this year after a zillion years in the business.


        1. “Platoon” was one of the many movies I watched relentlessly when I was about 12 or 13, so I’m quite aware of Tom Berenger. I always enjoyed him in the “Major League” movies too πŸ™‚


          1. He was handsome, sexy and brooding. I loved him in At Play In the Fields of the Lord, The Field, Gettysburg and Someone to Watch Over Me- his only romance that I can think of.


  1. Interesting, Kelly – so you came into this as an experienced “crusher”? Is it easier to live with it then? I still find myself dazed and confused over this state of intense interest in a person that exists without my radius of life. I never had anything like this before – I was into a few good-looking actors all through the years, but never particularly smitten… I am too old for this shit *hahaha*


    1. yes, it is much easier! I see everyone struggling with the normal issues of : I’m acting like a child, this isn’t respectable, it’s not normal to think of him so much, I shouldn’t feel this way when I look at him, etc. and I just want to give you all a big hug & say “it’s perfectly fine, stop stressing & just enjoy!” the two fandoms I was heavily involved in were very different, so I’ve had a well-rounded “education” *laughs* but the way it takes over your brain and influences everything that you do is the same each time πŸ˜‰ I also discovered fanfic in that last fandom, & became heavily immersed in it…with unhealthy results at times 😦 so I feel like I’ve been through battle, but with this fandom I have control because it’s been much more of a choice, I haven’t been blindsided by it all πŸ™‚


      1. Hehe, I take that hug, Kelly. The reassurance is what I need. I am not overly embarrassed or scared by the experience. I am actually quite open about it and a few people in my RL know about the infatuation. It’s really just that I am surprised it has hit me this late in life. But as I said, it helps me to know that others experience similar shades of emotions – which is why I always enjoy reading about other people’s thoughts on the matter or their individual stories. Thanks!


        1. as an adult, I’ve found that the “admirations” usually come about to fill a particular need. if you’re able to identify that need, it becomes easier to view it all in a respectable manner πŸ™‚

          my need for Ewan was to explore the forbidden, for Christian it was to be heard & valued, for RP/Twilight it was to reconnect with the youth that I kind of skipped over, while for Richard it’s been to embrace my age & all that I am (the “white sheep” of my family & friends, which has always made me feel like I don’t belong)

          if you realize why you’re doing it, and what positive things it has brought with it, it ceases to be shameful πŸ™‚
          (in my experience, at least πŸ˜‰ )


  2. You are absolutely right! πŸ™‚ The weather is beautiful, the people are friendly , “the scenery” is georgeous and worthy of admiration!


  3. I too am an experienced crusher, although a few of those were slightly more casual than others.
    It’s very astute of you to realize that crushing fills a need.
    In my case, it’s worth noting that I haven’t had serious celebrity crushes while I’ve been in RL relationships, or even had a RL crush. This explains why Johnny Depp and I are only ‘crushbuddies’ but Ed Kowalczyk and Elijah Wood and Richard Armitage (to name a few) have been SERIOUS. πŸ˜€
    Other than that, all I can do is confess that the attraction starts out as physical (except for Eddie K., where it was his music). Other internal motivations are still a mystery to me.


    1. we all have our own versions of “crushing” πŸ™‚ at the root of things it didn’t start out as a physical attraction for me, that part was only superficial. there are underlying issues; anyone who reads my post, should be able to find the clues πŸ˜‰

      I had to look up Ed K., because I didn’t recognize the name. I’ve always enjoyed the band “Live”, I’ll have to look up his solo work πŸ™‚


  4. Oh I’m not so much a fan of his any more. I discovered Ed around early 1997, but I had been listening to the Band’s music and liking it since 1994. Then I went and bought all their early early stuff, including their first ep and a bunch of bootlegs. My favourite songs were/are still ‘Selling the Drama’ (I still get shivers when I hear the opening chords in a decent quality audio) and ‘I Alone’. Also ‘All over you’ which has one of some lines that made it into a collection of great misheard lyrics. (‘Our love is like water’ misheard as ‘Our love is like Walter’ πŸ˜€ )

    That was kind of weird crush, since I usually go for pretty guys and I’m not really into mysticism and religion.


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