Canting Dragon, Crouching Spiders

My plans for seeing The Desolation of Smaug opening weekend fell through, so I was determined to see it yesterday; nothing was going to stand in my way!

N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

*maybe you should tame that hair a bit first, just a suggestion*

*maybe you should tame that hair a bit first, just a suggestion*

“I hope you’re not still sick, Son,

because I’m going to push you out the door and force you to go to school

*I'm going, Mom! I'm going!*

*I’m going, Mom! I’m going!*

in order to teach you a valuable life lesson:

never stand in the way of a fangirl.”

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I ended up seeing the 3D/48FPS version, just because it had the earliest start time

(I had to be back before Daughter got home from school)

*send me the bill, I need to get home!*

*send me the bill, I need to get home!*

Confession: I’ve never seen a cinema movie in 3D before;

I’ve only ever seen the ones they show at museums and amusement parks.

"Tilting Windmills"

“Tilting Windmills”

While I enjoyed the experience, I think I’ll bypass the 3D next time. It enhanced the fantasy setting and made the fictional characters look more real, but almost too real.

need some gravy for those sausage fingers?

need some gravy for those sausage fingers?

I enjoy fiction because it’s not real. Visually, it sometimes seemed

like I was watching an elaborate Soap Opera.

*It's true: Thorin and Thranduil were twins, separated at birth*

*It’s true: Thorin and Thranduil were twins, separated at birth*

The storyline itself I liked,

especially once we met Bard the Bargeman.

*when I said, "let's use the toilet and leave" that's not what I had in mind!*

*when I said, “let’s use the toilet and leave” that’s not what I had in mind!*

Quite a few fans did not like the deviations from the book but it seemed to me like the writers were already appeasing by including the must have scenes that they did. I could have done without the spiders, for instance, or Beorn’s house (though Beorn himself was awesome) if it meant the flow would have been as smooth as it was from Laketown on into the Mountain.

I might be slightly biased

I might be slightly biased

A Hobbit fanfiction instead of the original Tolkien Hobbit?

That’s perfectly fine with me; I love fanfiction!

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So in my fanfiction movie adaptation, I would keep the Prancing Pony scene at the beginning but then jump straight to getting the dwarves lost in Mirkwood and captured by the Wood Elves. That way I could spend more time showing the dwarves as prisoners, losing hope, and feeling locked away like animals.

yes, exactly like that...

yes, exactly like that…

I would also set up more of the love story between Tauriel and Kili. This could be my missing Eowyn and Faramir romance from the LOTR, seeing as how it was totally overshadowed by Aragorn and Arwen πŸ™„

"I could have anything down my trousers"

“I could have anything down my trousers”

I’d get rid of the Orc storyline as well; battling the elements of Mirkwood while feeling the pressure of Durin’s Day fastly approaching, would create sufficient tension. Keep the spiders if more action is needed but for the love of Cod, leave out Legolas! He was so unnecessary and borderline annoying. Tauriel going against the Elven King to follow her heart and fighting that inner turmoil of loyalty, would have been enough conflict without using a love triangle.

#prettierthanyou

#prettierthanyou

I loved Laketown and the Dragon scenes, so I wouldn’t change any of them. I found the added action with the Dragon enjoyable and exciting 😎

The scene with the key at the secret doorway was probably my all around favorite of the movie. Anticipation, frustration, the dashing of hopes and then relief; roller-coaster emotions at it’s finest! I felt that Thorin’s hesitance to rush in to rescue Bilbo though was not solely due to dragon sickness, I think it was PTSD too 😦

"memories, pressed between the pages of my mind"

“memories, pressed between the pages of my mind”

All in all, the movie exceeded my expectations and I’m very excited to see it again with my family.

One last thing: did anyone feel the cross-over potential during the confrontation between Thorin and Smaug?

"KHAN!!"

“KHAN!!”

A Vicar of Dibley/Star Trek/Hobbit fanfic?

it could work…

*the Dragon planned to outwit the Vicar  in order to get his people back, but he never expected to fall in love with his foe*

*the Dragon planned to outwit the Vicar in order to get his people back, but he never expected to fall in love with his foe*

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18 thoughts on “Canting Dragon, Crouching Spiders

  1. Christine says:

    Bwahahahahahahahaa: *when I said, β€œlet’s use the toilet and leave” that’s not what I had in mind!* Hilarious.

    And I loved reading your suggestions; it would have been a very different movie, but when you put it in terms of flow, I can see what you mean. πŸ˜€ And I hadn’t thought about the PTSD angle for Thorin. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOVE to have seen this explored more. One of my wishes was that we’d seen them walking through ruined Dale, which after all lay on their way to the dwarf statues at the doorway to the mountain. I was just ACHING to see them confront this place and the ruination in a real and concrete burnt-out wreck. The young ones marveling, the older ones guiding (Balin feels galore!), Thorin confronting demons. But they skipped this. 😦 Some of what I was disgruntled to miss was the emotional aspects in exchange for root’em toot’em shoot ups. But I can understand why they took that road. :} I just wish it’d led through Dale, darnit. lol

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    • I would love a real emo/character driven version of “PJ’s version” of the Hobbit, but I know that wouldn’t appeal to as wide of an audience. the character of Thorin, played by RA & reimagined by PJ&company, just pulls all of my heartstrings. the valiant warrior hero who would be king, bearing the burden of his people and ancestry, trying to reclaim what was theirs for Dwarves everywhere; but also to lift the black shroud that’s been placed upon his family. he remembers the good times, the excess and renown, but he also lived through the destruction; what that did to his family physically let alone what it must have done to him mentally. I’m sure it wasn’t *real* until he was there; I don’t know if Richard meant to show fear, but that’s what I saw very clearly in that moment 😎

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  2. What Christine said. Your line about using the bathroom – oooh. What I love about this blog. I’m so glad (1) you got to see it (2) you liked it. Pls. remind me, what is the reference with the spider and the house. It’s at the tip of my memory..

    Like

    • I think that was a true story wasn’t it? that someone burned down their house by trying to kill a spider? I don’t know, I just like the meme πŸ˜† (..and I know it’s called a “meme” b/c of Richard πŸ˜‰ )

      Like

  3. Joanna says:

    LOL! Nothing can stop me..even the spiders! ( I’m shivering at the mere thought)
    BTW, I did it.. the most perfect in the whole world John will be at your doorstep, soon ( I hope πŸ˜‰ )

    Like

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