I Must Bide

A new year is upon us, I’m approaching the 100th post on this blog, and my fan path category has come to an end as well; so many opportunities for new beginnings!

2014? yes, please!
2014? yes, please!

When I first started this blog in May of this year,

I jotted down a brief outline of the direction I wanted to go with it.

*serious and introspective? check*
*serious and introspective? check*

As things moved along and a certain tone had been established,

the outline changed to accommodate.

*serious and introspective? not!*
*serious and introspective? not!*

In both versions

the end was the day I started this blog.

*I will draw it out by only typing with one finger*
*I will draw it out by only typing with one finger*

I’ve had highs and lows with this blogging endeavor but all in all it’s been a rewarding experience that I’d like to continue. Fandom drama? not so much.

when Richard said there were "sensitive souls" out there, he wasn't kidding...
when Richard said there were “sensitive souls” out there, he wasn’t kidding…

I’ve done some soul-searching these past few weeks

regarding the various issues within the fandom and my reactions to them.

"should I stay or should I go?"
“should I stay or should I go?”

My conclusion:

I’m not sure I’m cut out for Army life πŸ˜•

me in the comment section of any blog
me in the comment section of any blog

I would still like to read and “like” with abandon

but I think I’ll try reverting back to my former ways for awhile.

tumblr_mnopr6HAMr1qfdneyo2_r1_400

What will change on this blog in light of this break in the road? The posts will no longer be illustrating how I discovered Richard Armitage but rather those parts of the original outline that I might have skipped over, mixed in with more current happenings. so… pretty much the same randomness then πŸ˜‰

random Richard
random Richard

I’m excited for the year ahead and working towards that 200th post,

I hope you’ll continue to join me for the ride 😎

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33 thoughts on “I Must Bide

  1. I always considered a blog akin to that of a home – our own home. We arrange the furniture the way we like and we decorate whatever way makes us happy. Ikea versus Horchows, it’s our choice. Our views within our own blog/home are our own as well though sometimes what we see in other people’s blogs/homes may influence the way we think/write in our own. When others visit our blog/home, it’s nice when they are courteous and kind, even with their own opinions but without having to exert them forcefully or with malice – the same way we try to do when we visit theirs.

    I’ve always enjoyed your blog because I find it lighthearted and sweet. And Whichever way you choose to continue through 2014, I’ll still follow and read, like and comment. This is what makes blogging a joy (though sometimes a pain, but it all boils down to choice – what we don’t like, we don’t have to read) that doesn’t have to be a guilty pleasure. The smorgasbord of blogs out there to read and enjoy are too many to count and I’ve learned to simply enjoy the ones that make me happy, inspire me or motivate me, and make me think in positive ways, or make me want to make my life productive for others. Life is too short, and whether we write or read blogs, it is up to us to choose our bliss.

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    1. I think we, as bloggers, get to know our commenters in a special way b/c we interact w/them so frequently. as someone who comments on a blog and is interacting with other commenters though, I don’t know them as well or where they are coming from; I’m only concerned with the conversation in front of me.
      I’m lumping all of the blogs I read/have read together just as I am the Army as a whole, maybe that’s fair maybe it’s not, but just as I don’t want to have to go down a list of who and what any individual reference of mine applies to, I don’t like having to take into account each individual person’s issues that I happen to be in a discussion with when I make the decision to “contribute” through a general conversation in any comment section. I want to discuss the subject of the post, not have it veer off into everyone’s hurt feelings so often. I want to enjoy Richard with other people who like him, or at least seem to, not with those who are constantly picking apart every word that comes out of his mouth in a negative way.
      as you can see, I’ve become bitter πŸ˜‰ this is why I’ve chosen to pull back and stay at home for a bit. I still enjoy reading all of the blogs I’ve always read and I will miss interacting with particular members “out there” but it’s just best if this is the path I take at the moment 😐

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      1. This is my first fandom in the blogging world (though I have been blogging on and off on non-fandom stuff since 1997, back when there were only geocities and tripod) and I’ve had my share of rough take offs and rougher landings – which made me question many things about my admiration for a man whose roles are the many incarnations of my muse. Some moments hurt more than others and it made me question why, if I removed toxic people from my real life, I invited them into my online life and why I let them feel as bad as I did. In the beginning, it was my ignorance of fandom blogging etiquette and also the shock of seeing my past trauma emerge from an online comment war on my own blog of which I was unable to stop.

        But in the end, it was my reaction to their actions or opinions that mattered the most – reactions (mine) that I could control. So I made the choice (and am still making the choice) to choose only the messages that are positive to me. I’m glad that you’re choosing the right path for you.

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        1. it was seeing you go through similar feelings and struggles and how you ultimately chose to make positive changes for yourself in relation to your reactions, that got me thinking about how I could find a balance that would work for me πŸ™‚ I didn’t want to lose the soothing positives I have found just because of those noisy negatives.

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      2. ‘I want to enjoy Richard with other people who like him, or at least seem to, not with those who are constantly picking apart every word that comes out of his mouth in a negative way.’
        Can I get a ‘A-men’?

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  2. Very introspective. You must have had a lot of time to think during the holiday. Hmmmm. Not sure what I think. I like the moving on from how you discovered RA. We have both moved on from that phase. If you don’t know it already, though, let me tell you that you have a definite style that is amusing and smart and I hope you keep it up. Hugs!

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    1. I’m always thinking, my brain never shuts off! which is why being silly is my escape πŸ˜€ I have a 6hr. car ride ahead of me in a few days where I’m sure I’ll be thinking about all of this some more too πŸ˜•
      I don’t mean to make it seem like I’m placing the blame on others, unfortunately I run into this same problem when I get too involved in other types of communities too. sometimes I need to just believe in the wizard and leave it at that, without peeking behind that curtain πŸ˜‰

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      1. Community is hard for me. I’m not a jump on the bandwagon type person. I’m a if everyone’s jumping on the bandwagon, jump the other way person. Contrary. Six hours should give you enough time to figure it all out, right? πŸ˜€

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        1. me too! which is why this time I thought “I *can* be part of a larger group! look at me Ma, I’m doing it!!” but then when those training wheels came off I fell, just like always πŸ˜•
          I won’t be thinking deep thoughts the whole six hours, 5 of them will probably be me thinking up various fan-fictions in my head in relation to the music I’m listening too; all involving Richard of course πŸ˜›

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          1. LOL!! Love it!! I think up fan fictions all the time! Mostly involving my surroundings. Like, what if I ran into RA here? What would I do? I think about that all the time.

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    1. I got sucked in to the drama this time without realizing it and that’s why I’m having such a difficult time, I think. I’m in the “why did you not see this coming? this always happens, why are you acting so surprised?” phase πŸ™„

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  3. I understand the hanging back… for various reasons (some of them I understand and some of them I don’t), I’ve been hanging back as well. I entered into the fandom with such vigorous abandon, and… I don’t admire RA any less, but… I’ve become a bit more wary about shining my adoration at large. There are a lot of crazies out and about. I’ll say it. They aren’t just “sensitive souls”, some of them are just plain not-ready-for-prime-time awkward and socially inept. So, so, so eager to make others carry their baggage, and nope, I’m not an emotional bellhop. :}

    I don’t know if it’s more the new influx of fans (which I believe includes me), the older guard of Army, or if it’s the interface between the two; but something isn’t quite rubbing along comfortably there and I hope it can calm down so we can all get back to the business at hand: admiring our favorite.

    In the meantime, I’m glad to hear you won’t be going away. I’d miss you a lot if you did. xo

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    1. thank you for your words, the kind ones and the ones validating what I’ve been feeling πŸ™‚ as a newer fan it’s hard not to feel like “maybe it’s me?” like I’m just not fitting right, but then I think that maybe the fandom at large needs newer fans like us and our different ways of thinking to shake things up a bit πŸ˜‰ I don’t know *shrugs*
      I just want to admire Richard, talk about him and his characters and the positive impact that has on me, and just have fun and make new friends! all of these platforms for what we believe and what our morals/ethics are feels waaayyy too much like politics to me πŸ˜•

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      1. I have not been around for a while, and by that i mean I have not been paying as much attention to what goes on between parties in the fandom. In fact, I began to let go of being aware of that after my first year of blogging — but don’t tell anyone I said that. ; – ) Who has time to keep up with all of this? I surely don’t. Anyway, I’m sorry that there have been misunderstandings. And for the record, I’ve been reading for the last day or so to get caught up, and no, it doesn’t appear to be you. You’ve been lighthearted and witty and a breath of fresh air.

        My advice, which may be worth what it’s costing you, is it’s easier to stay above the fray by ignoring the drama. More fun too. : D BTW, I feel like an idiot using the word drama. How old am I? No, don’t answer that. I just find it sad and silly that there are grown women who cannot conduct discussions online about a still fairly obscure actor without ego getting in the way. Something is wrong with that picture especially when I consider that most of us seem to be sane.

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        1. yes, the time issue! I’ve often felt like I’ve lost touch with “Richard” along the way. following all of the diff’t blog posts and keeping up-to-the-minute on every happening is taking away my time of just browsing at leisure, rewatching his diff’t projects, scoping out fanvids and whatnot that used to make me smile 😦
          I have a bit of an addictive personality, so balance is not a new struggle for me 😳 in my last fandom it was fanfiction, I was seriously addicted to that stuff! but it led to archiving for diff’t sites and becoming a mod for a forum, etc. so being “out in front” is kind of new for me I guess, after really thinking about it; I’m usually behind the scenes. hmm, that’s something I hadn’t thought of before.

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      2. One last thing, and then I think I’m done. Two things really help me online and in real life interactions: 1) I try never to take anything personally even if it’s meant personally. This has served me well when I apply it. 2) I try to remember that I cannot reason with an unreasonable person. It’s insanity. But I try to go a long, long time before I make the determination that someone is unreasonable and cannot be trusted to carry on a rational conversation. When I do get to that point with someone, it actually keeps me from having animosity toward them because in my mind I relieve them of expectations I reserve for sane people. This doesn’t mean they can get away with anything. It just means I lower my expectations of their sanity and am therefore not surprised or disappointed when they act crazy. And in case it’s not clear, I’m typing this out as a reminder to myself. Sorry to do it on your blog, but I’m here, and maybe it will help someone other than myself.

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        1. I appreciate your thoughts and advice immensely! I just wanted to be part of something, you know? and I think that has been the biggest upset for me, my expectations πŸ˜• in the two other fandoms I’ve been a part of it took me a long time before I came out of my shell, so this time I jumped right in and tried to put those inhibitions aside πŸ™‚
          it’s not so much *my* interactions with others that has been baffling to me, b/c I can take ownership for my part in the conversations, but just witnessing the negative fan-on-fan discussions in relation to everything Richard says or does; everyone just seems so angry & affronted.(I sure hope he doesn’t read those things, it’s enough to give anyone a complex!) now as anyone who has seen me in discussions on other blogs can tell, I’m not always silly and lighthearted, I like to delve deep sometimes too; so it’s not that I’m chastising anyone for being too serious, I’m just here for different reasons I guess (escape, fun, celebration of a common interest) I need to scout out the corners that are more in line with that and leave the rest behind…but that sounds too much like work! πŸ˜›

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          1. I hear you on the work! LOL! I have enough elsewhere, and I hope you do not assess my blog on how it’s been this year. This year has truly been a crucible for my family, and I really, really don’t want that to bleed into my blog, but sometimes it has. As for criticism of other fans, I hope my worst criticism is in the comments i just left on your blog. The rest of the time, I want people to lighten up and laugh at themselves ’cause selfishly, that’s what I do.

            One last thing, and i really will try to make this the last thing. Be careful where you go. There are people who appear sane and are brilliant, and no, I’m not talking about big name blogger, but when you least expect it, they can snap on you and get mean and aggressive. I say that from personal experience. And if you want to know, that is the reason I wrote about APM, which I think this person is fully aware. They have a problem, and between that person and big name blogger, it makes places in this fandom a real drag. So I’ve stayed away most of the time, and now I’ll be staying away all the time, and that has increased my enjoyment of RA universe. Imagine that. LOL!

            Okay, I’m done with my mini-rant. Just be careful.

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  4. Hi Kelbel, I’ve always enjoyed reading your blog, & will continue if you choose to keep posting! Creative projects do need a refresh occasionally – I can also totally relate to the need to reassess where to invest one’s energy. Good luck with your musings, & making the right decision for yourself.

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    1. thank you for the well wishes, I’m feeling loads better already just talking about it “out loud” πŸ™‚ this blog itself won’t change, aside from a more sporadic posting schedule I think. if something comes to me and I want to blog about it, I’m just going to do it, no matter the day or time; so some weeks may have three posts right in a row, while others may only have one. I want to be the same me offline and online, I don’t want to become too polished or self-conscious 😎

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  5. kelbel,

    I look forward to whatever you’ve got. Your humor is vastly appealing.

    Regarding the fandom, I can boil down the problem to a sentence. Too many people take a lot way too seriously including themselves.

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  6. I fear drama is somehow unavoidable in fandoms, even when the β€œobject” is the nicest guy *shrugs*. There’ll be some fans who want to be bigger than the others and spoil the fun (sorry if I sound not very uplifting) :(.
    At last, it’s up to you to do what makes you comfortable, Kelbel, and I understand your reasons. I’ll keep reading your blog which I find lighthearted, yes and sensible too. πŸ™‚

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