I’m Going Back to the Start

I’m going back to the start.


Back to not seeing a conspiracy in everything

but just enjoying other viewpoints.


Back to when I didn’t feel like I had to pick sides

because I didn’t know there were any.


Back to skipping over what I didn’t like

and checking back a few days later to find something I did.


Back to not holding grudges and forgiving meltdowns

because I am not immune to them myself.


Back to sharing and caring

instead of hoarding and dismissing.


Back to discussing Richard

instead of each other.


Back to when the word Fandom made me feel part of something

instead of trapped in something.


Back to light and laughter

instead of darkness and uncertainty.


Back to smiling

back to Richard

Back to the kind of person he’d be proud to know.


I’m going

back to the start.


24 thoughts on “I’m Going Back to the Start

  1. I would like to say more than just “I like your post” but anything I could say would make me sound like a preacher. Or a goody-two-shoes. But yeah, I like your appeal to our positivity. I think someone else did that around Christmas time, too *ggg* (And no, I am not talking about Jesus.) (Although the one who said it occasionally gets a similar messianic reception 😉 ).


    1. yes, that Christmas time message felt like a solid blow to the solar plexus; I had to rebel a bit more though before I let it sink in 😕 I’m ready to climb out of the quicksand; I let myself act in a way that I’m not proud of AT ALL. I need to just shut out all of the noise and start over 😐


      1. Richard had his Christmas message, which also resonated with me in a huge way, but you just served up a very beautiful February message at a time when I think many of us need it most, a reminder that this is supposed to be fun, above all else 🙂
        *sings along* “I’m going back to the start”


      1. I agree that it’s all too easy to get mired in negativity, and easy to forget what attracted us to the fandom. Positivity is so much better all around! I tend to think of my fandom as a hobby: it should be making me happy. Whenever that’s not happening, I need to take a step back. It works for me. Kudos to you for not being afraid to look inward! 😉:)


  2. It’s interesting that you should choose this moment to talk about getting positivity back into fandom because I just got a pep-talk from one of my friends about how we need to remember why we chose to be interested in the things that made us choose a major in grad school, to forget the scramble for funding and the competitiveness and the petty maneuverings of academic politics. In other words, to think of grad school ‘made [us] feel part of something instead of trapped in something”
    The world has been a mass of negativity and fandom is just one part of that – but at least we can change our little part of it.


    1. I’m sure the concept can be applied to all areas of our lives, to remember what attracted us to certain things in the first place and the positive way they made us feel at the start. but you know I always do say that it all comes back to Richard 😉 😛


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