Catastrophe

Remember when Richard chose dogs over cats? Maybe he was on to something…

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So there I was, doing a little yard work earlier today, when I accidentally wrapped my fingers around a hiding thistle weed. those sneaky suckers spear you when you’re least expecting it! after I said a few choice words while sucking on my injured finger, I decided to call it a day and go back inside. as I leaned over the kitchen sink to wash my hands, I stepped on a tack that the cats had, no doubt, left there on purpose. after the frenzy of hopping around on one foot and spewing more colorful words had subsided, I found a chair and sat down to inspect my injury. why do small wounds hurt so much?

C.) large wounds typically send your body into shock, preventing you from feeling the pain. Β (c is always the answer)

Next, I hopped down the hall to the small bathroom and bent down to rummage through the cabinet for a band-aid. this is when a sneaky black bug, who was in league with the cats I’m sure, decided to jump out and scare me. I’d like to say I handled it like an adult but really I screamed dramatically and fell backwards onto my ass.

the scariest bugs always wear black, it’s a rule.

it’s a very small bathroom, so I hit my elbow on the toilet and the back of my head against the wall before it was all said and done. I was not letting that bug just scurry away and live happily ever after though, so I jumped up…and tripped over the cat as I burst back out into the hallway, falling into the wall. I then hobbled toward the closet, in search of a shoe to kill the offending bug. die, die, die!! okay, that was done.

you wanna piece of me? who’s scary now, punk!

Next I crawled up the stairs, because it was easier than trying to hop on one foot, in search of that ever elusive band-aid. the cat upstairs thought I was playing and jumped out from around the corner…scratching the finger that had already been speared by the thistle! okay, this was getting ridiculous. after throwing things around dramatically in the kid’s bathroom in search of a band-aid

my kingdom for a plaster!

my kingdom for a plaster!

I then hopped to the third, and final, bathroom finally finding the ‘effing band-aid! I washed up and slapped on the bandage, then sat there for a few minutes because I was afraid to get up. I gathered my courage and hobbled back out into the hallway…where I slipped on a plastic bag, that wasn’t there on my way in.

my cats are trying to kill me

my cats are trying to kill me

then the doorbell rang. I threw my hands up in the air exclaiming “seriously?!” and turned my face towards the door from the upstairs landing. it was a salesperson so I just laid there quietly until they left. the two cats cautiously crept near in the silence, to swarm around my head. I clapped my hands loudly, scarring them away, shook my head in mirth, and then proceeded to walk down the stairs.Β with dignity.

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21 thoughts on “Catastrophe

  1. I should probably feel guilty for laughing so hard at your pain … but I just can’t. Thistles, tacks, bugs, plastic bags, salesmen … OH MY! Thank you for sharing this slapstick adventure with us πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mujertropical says:

    Forgive me, but I am cackling at your amazing story of misfortune because if you hadn’t written it, I would have thought it was fake. I am so sorry to hear you had such an awful day. If you had a dog, he/she would have come over to comfort you and lick you, and you could have cuddled. I hope you didn’t hurt your back, that your elbow heals (ouch!) and your boo-boo too! Sending you big hugs and rays of sunshine. Pretend Richard is hugging you and you’ll feel a little better. πŸ˜‰

    Like

  3. ROFLMAO! We’ve all had some sequences like this, but this one takes the cake! Loved your captions, too! =) Oh, and I agree with Helen- total Thornton hand porn. I need to go look at that again….

    Like

  4. Servetus says:

    yeah, that’ll be the reason that he picked dogs over cats, lol πŸ™‚ I can’t like because I’m laughing too hard. Hope your day improved after this little episode.

    Like

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