Some days I have a temper and very little patience. Most of the time I’m quite mellow and can let things slide off my back with relative ease but sometimes little, seemingly harmless, things find their way in and cause me to have a melt down. This can consist of a simple crying fit but other times it can escalate into gnashing of teeth, colorful words, and the hitting of inanimate objects.
Today the cause was the computer, as it usually is. The computer and I have a love-hate relationship. When things are going well, we’re the best of friends; it brings such joy into my life. but when things are not going well, they go downhill fast. It doesn’t help that my computer knowledge is very subjective. The mature thing to do would be to wait for my husband to get home and show me what to do, but there’s a big(stubborn) part of me that craves the satisfaction that comes from figuring it out on my own. So I fought with the computer for over an hour, doing the same things over and over again hoping that this time it would work.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results”
When my son asked, “Mom, did you just growl?” I thought maybe it was time to relent a bit and at least let him help me. He tried, but he couldn’t get it to work correctly either (is it wrong that I found satisfaction in that fact?) I should have closed it down and left it for later but instead, I took it as a personal affront to me: the computer was out to get me and I wasn’t about to let it win!
I ended up having a tantrum just a few minutes before Husband arrived home from work. He found me close to tears and so worked up that I couldn’t form words enough to tell him what was wrong, just “THE COMPUTER!” after some deep breaths I was able to communicate to him my dilemma. he clicked around a little, and solved the problem in under five minutes.
I desperately needed to decompress after that, not even being able to reap the benefits of the fixed computer. instead, I slapped on my headphones, hit my Tranquil playlist and tried to calm myself down (that playlist works wonders for me. maybe I should rename it Saving Grace) The whole thing was ridiculous! I find comfort in the fact that I must not be alone in my strife, or there wouldn’t be smileys like this:
Richard has said that he’s stubborn, bad tempered, moody, and once in awhile even has one of those throwing-the-chair-out-the-window moments that usually results in saying hurtful things that he can’t take back. while I doubt he sinks to my low level, it’s comforting to know that he loses it too some days. I wonder if he knows what it feels like to growl until your throat hurts, or how your body can ache after an adrenaline surge?