Everyone has been writing their reviews after seeing “The Battle of the Five Armies” and I wanted to write one too, but it’s proving difficult. My first impressions aren’t always lasting impressions, so I can’t really wrap my head around the movie until I see it again. Also, I had a strong reaction to seeing this character die. I’ve never seen a RA character die in real time before, the others were long after their original air dates. Somewhere along the way I transferred a lot of different things onto Thorin’s death that didn’t really belong to him: my “adventure” in this fandom, my admiration for Richard himself, the ending of not only this trilogy but all of Middle-Earth. so instead of burying myself in all of that angst, I’m going to share my lighter thoughts of the movie instead.
Random BOTFA Thoughts:
⭐ Laketown=Esgaroth. not that this fact matters much but how did I not realize this? because you skim over all the place names at lightening speed so you won’t run the risk of trying to pronounce them and screwing up horribly later. Out Loud.
⭐ We know from LOTR that Galadriel is married. when does she get married? because there is some crackling chemistry going on between her and Gandalf in these movies! I’d go more for Elrond, myself. he’s got it together, with his shiny armor and waterfall wonderland. and he’s so intellectual, knowing all those ancient prophesies and reading moon runes.
if I was into Elves, that is. because I’m so totally not *fidgets nervously*
ETA: Wiki tells me that Galadriel was indeed married long before the events in The Hobbit BUT: Galadriel is Elrond’s mother-in-law.
⭐ Now let’s talk about Azog and his accessorizing arm. he has us all fooled, he’s not some wild barbarian but a metrosexual in disguise! that wasn’t just some rudimentary claw in the first movie, that was his camping hand. he was getting ready to pop some marshmallows on those tongs when his men so rudely interrupted.
he’s showing off his shiny sportsman’s blade in this movie, so I’m sure he has a spongy Nerf attachment for when he’s just chilling at home too. and something classy for his days at the office?
⭐ Confession: I rather liked off-balance Thorin. the way he flipped from bad to good, talking about himself in third person gave me a thrill. I should probably examine that internally but I’m just going to leave it alone for now.
⭐ Kili & Tauriel and The Bridges of Esgaroth County: I see you reaching for that door handle, girly. Go! screw those family commitments, choose Love! get in the boat! ignore blondie and make the right decision for once, Kate! wait…what island are we on again?
⭐ Then there was a bunch of really heartfelt and inspiring stuff that I can’t bring myself to make fun of (the House of Durin charge anyone? Badass with a capital B!)
⭐ Which then leads to Thorin’s demise, which I can’t make fun of either. oh wait, except for when Azog fell into the water and everyone but Thorin knew that he wasn’t dead. Action-Thriller 101: if you don’t see them die, they aren’t dead.
⭐ Then…My King died. and I cried all the tears. I was okay until Bilbo sobbed, then I was done. the waterworks spilled forth and would not stop!
so when Tauriel mourned the loss of Kili, I internally screamed “I don’t care! you hardly knew him!” and when Legolas would just not shut up about his childhood, I groaned “be quiet you twit!! you’re not even supposed to be here!”
and when the lights came back on at the end of the movie and Billy Boyd started singing his lovely song amidst the beautiful hand drawn images of the cast, I jumped up and told husband “we have to leave now or you’ll have to physically carry me out.”
the next few days were complete and utter shite (duff? naff?) with family drama and fandom drama.
⭐ But never fear! all was right with the world again on Christmas morning when I opened up my Pop! Thorin.
we’ve been inseparable ever since
if my 10 year old doesn’t quit stealing him for a laugh though, there could be trouble. children…