Everyone has been writing their reviews after seeing “The Battle of the Five Armies” and I wanted to write one too, but it’s proving difficult. My first impressions aren’t always lasting impressions, so I can’t really wrap my head around the movie until I see it again. Also, I had a strong reaction to seeing this character die. I’ve never seen a RA character die in real time before, the others were long after their original air dates. Somewhere along the way I transferred a lot of different things onto Thorin’s death that didn’t really belong to him: my “adventure” in this fandom, my admiration for Richard himself, the ending of not only this trilogy but all of Middle-Earth. so instead of burying myself in all of that angst, I’m going to share my lighter thoughts of the movie instead.
Random BOTFA Thoughts:
⭐ Laketown=Esgaroth. not that this fact matters much but how did I not realize this? because you skim over all the place names at lightening speed so you won’t run the risk of trying to pronounce them and screwing up horribly later. Out Loud.
⭐ We know from LOTR that Galadriel is married. when does she get married? because there is some crackling chemistry going on between her and Gandalf in these movies! I’d go more for Elrond, myself. he’s got it together, with his shiny armor and waterfall wonderland. and he’s so intellectual, knowing all those ancient prophesies and reading moon runes.
if I was into Elves, that is. because I’m so totally not *fidgets nervously*
ETA: Wiki tells me that Galadriel was indeed married long before the events in The Hobbit BUT: Galadriel is Elrond’s mother-in-law.
⭐ Now let’s talk about Azog and his accessorizing arm. he has us all fooled, he’s not some wild barbarian but a metrosexual in disguise! that wasn’t just some rudimentary claw in the first movie, that was his camping hand. he was getting ready to pop some marshmallows on those tongs when his men so rudely interrupted.
he’s showing off his shiny sportsman’s blade in this movie, so I’m sure he has a spongy Nerf attachment for when he’s just chilling at home too. and something classy for his days at the office?
I’m into, uh, well, murders and executions, mostly.”
⭐ Confession: I rather liked off-balance Thorin. the way he flipped from bad to good, talking about himself in third person gave me a thrill. I should probably examine that internally but I’m just going to leave it alone for now.
⭐ Kili & Tauriel and The Bridges of Esgaroth County: I see you reaching for that door handle, girly. Go! screw those family commitments, choose Love! get in the boat! ignore blondie and make the right decision for once, Kate! wait…what island are we on again?
⭐ Then there was a bunch of really heartfelt and inspiring stuff that I can’t bring myself to make fun of (the House of Durin charge anyone? Badass with a capital B!)
⭐ Which then leads to Thorin’s demise, which I can’t make fun of either. oh wait, except for when Azog fell into the water and everyone but Thorin knew that he wasn’t dead. Action-Thriller 101: if you don’t see them die, they aren’t dead.
⭐ Then…My King died. and I cried all the tears. I was okay until Bilbo sobbed, then I was done. the waterworks spilled forth and would not stop!
so when Tauriel mourned the loss of Kili, I internally screamed “I don’t care! you hardly knew him!” and when Legolas would just not shut up about his childhood, I groaned “be quiet you twit!! you’re not even supposed to be here!”
and when the lights came back on at the end of the movie and Billy Boyd started singing his lovely song amidst the beautiful hand drawn images of the cast, I jumped up and told husband “we have to leave now or you’ll have to physically carry me out.”
the next few days were complete and utter shite (duff? naff?) with family drama and fandom drama.
⭐ But never fear! all was right with the world again on Christmas morning when I opened up my Pop! Thorin.
we’ve been inseparable ever since
if my 10 year old doesn’t quit stealing him for a laugh though, there could be trouble. children…
Nowhere in Particular RA 
Galadriel is Elrond’s mother in law?????? who’s she married to??? weird that..
And yes the waterworks were quite something 🙂 i think i could laugh at the Thranduil/Tauriel ‘it was real’ thing but i was sobbing in the cinema, who am i kidding 😉
I did like the fight scene with Azog because even though we knew the outcome and even some individual bits were predictable it was still well done and breathtaking.
Azog was interesting though objectively i did think his spawn was a somewhat cleverer fighter 😉
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Galadriel has a husband (who we see in the Lord of the Rings movies) and they had a daughter who married Elrond. which also makes Galadriel Arwen’s grandmother: Granny Galadriel! 😀 although I enjoyed Thranduil a lot more than I usually do in this movie (his elk was a great warrior steed) I couldn’t bring myself to feel a whole lot of sympathy for him
I loved the fight scene between Azog and Thorin, especially that bit with the ice; eerie! (who was Azog’s spawn?)
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Bolg! i thought his fighting was somewhat cleverer than Azog throwing that rock on a chain at Thorin 😉
oh yes, i have only seen LOTR once way way back, most of it faded from my brain..
Thranduil grew on me, i don’t agree or sympathise much but i sort of understand where he comes from and find him much more interesting than Legolas 😉 Some things are funnier out of context, when i saw the movie i felt very emotional 🙂
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I did not realize Bolg was Azog’s son. huh. I’m just learning all kinds of things today!
when I see the movie again, I’ll take all these parts more seriously 😉 my pop culture brain is really annoying the first time I see something. I can’t help connecting actors w/other roles and dialogue that reminds me of something else, etc.
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i want to see it again too, now that i’ve had 2 weeks distance from everything and see if it will have the same impact… i think long term i will want o have a nearly Thorin only extract version to indulge in 🙂 and i’m looking forward to hopefully a lot of fun fan art based on it 🙂
I know.. when i found out Bolg was Azog’s son i went.. that is one bit of detail about orcs i don’t want to know! :-p
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Azog was already dead, in the books (and I wish he’d stayed that way for the movies) and it was only Bolg that fought at the original BOT5A.
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I did like Bolg better than Azog. I liked his swagger 😀
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Galadriel is at least 10,000 years old, I think. She was born in the First Age, before the fall of Sauron’s master Morgoth. She married an elf called Celeborn and had one child, a daughter called Celebrian, mother of Arwen. Celebrian married Elrond, whose mother Luthien was a cousin of Galadriel.
Galadriel is also a ring-bearer; she wears one of the 3 Rings of Power made by the elves and at one time was a friend of the dwarves who made Moria. After the final defeat of Sauron, Tolkien describes her tearing down the walls of Dol Guldur.
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I’ve read all this stuff before but it’s been a good 20 years, so I need a refresher 😉 the quick poking around I did recently confused me at first b/c if Elrond married Celebrian then Arwen wasn’t half elf, like was portrayed in the movies. but then I read that it was Elrond who was half elf.
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She’s 1/4 elf. More or less.
However I think that it says somewhere that all the descendents of Elwing and Eärendil (both part-elven) could choose whether or not to be humand and mortal. Elwing and Eärendil are Elrond’s parents, and his brother Elros chose mortality and became the first king of Numenor while Elrond chose to be elven and live forever in Rivendell.
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Thanks for the insight!
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I’m glad you can bear it. 😀
What will I do without a new Tolkien movie to geek over?
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The picture you used for the six hour car ride to the parents house made me burst out laughing. So funny!
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Yah, this is a classic post!
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Okay, the Twisted Durin Sister-Sons up there? Still snickering!
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