“H” is for Hostility

Blog Introspection Challenge

7.) Which post has the most comments?

That would be “H is for Honesty”. it came about during a time when I was feeling frustrated with the atmosphere in the corner of the fandom that I spent my time in. instead of addressing those issues in a forthright manner, I chose the passive-aggressive route instead. 

I didn't mean you, I meant all of the other people who do that...
oh, I didn’t mean you. I meant all the other people who do that…

 

I wanted to talk about my frustrations, having an inkling that there were others out there that shared them with me, but I was afraid to draw attention to any one issue for fear of the negative reactions that were sure to come with it. so I just lumped several of them together in one post, hiding behind sarcasm, in the hopes that others would start the conversations that I needed to have in the comment section. 

'sup?..good..good...funny that you should say that because...
‘sup?..good..good…funny you should say that because…

 

it didn’t exactly work out that way. I had angered a particular blogger with something that I said and she let me know it. others came to my defense, while still others tried to be the voice of reason and point out why that blogger had gotten upset. it was unfortunate because it led to other incidents within the fandom that tore us all apart for awhile. I feel that it had to happen and it was the beginning of a potent learning experience for me, so I can’t regret it completely. I’m a better person for having had those experiences and I’ve gotten to know that particular blogger in a way that I probably never would have otherwise. 

things aren't always what they seem...there's more than you could ever know behind the scenes.
things aren’t always what they seem…there’s more than you could ever know behind the scenes

When I see how popular that post still is with readers, I just have to sigh and let it be. I understand the curiosity, I’ve sifted through old posts and followed links to find the skeletons in this fandom’s closet myself from time to time–it gives a better understanding of where the lines are drawn in certain sections of the community and why. I don’t like when it’s used as ammunition for scapegoating though, piling things on someone’s back that doesn’t rightly belong there in order to justify feelings about something or someone. I’m not going to preach about “getting along” and “being nice” because we all have reasons for doing what we do and saying what we feel must be said. 

dude, why ya always actin like you gotta stick up yo ass?
dude, why you actin like ya gotta stick up yo ass?

sometimes the only way out is through: we need to go through a certain set of circumstances in order to get to where we need to be. I implored others to “say what you want to say” in that post, to not be afraid to speak up. my opinion on that still holds true. 

 

Nothing’s gonna hurt you

the way that words do

When they settle ‘neath your skin

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5 thoughts on ““H” is for Hostility

  1. Wow, am I really first?
    I agree with this in substance. I think we’ve all been on a very long learning curve, and part of the issue is that different histories bring us to blogging, and so we’re not on it in the same places, and a lot of times the people who learned a particular lesson at the same time we did drop out of blogging or whatever. I feel like I’ve lost my cohort at least twice now, and have much less in common in terms of “where I am” with people who have just started fangirling and/or Armitage blogging. This is something it took me quite a while to figure out, actually, and I think the post you’re referring to is one of the places (there were three or four) where that particular illumination hit me. There are some questions everyone needs to formulate and to answer for herself and to people in a different place on the path those questions are already resolved or different or whatever. I think you’re right when you say, “I/we had to have this experience” (or however you put it exactly) even though I (Serv) would probably have liked to have avoided it.

    I agree with your reading above of our interactions in the situation, but I also don’t think that that episode was all about us, though, I think there were plenty of other things that were going on there that aren’t really excuses but are perhaps explanations — stuff you’re aware of and that I don’t need to rehearse. There were numerous visible and hidden, relevant and external/tangential outside influences on that interaction. There were stubborn people involved (starting with me).

    I’m glad the post is still there. I’m always troubled when people delete a piece of the fandom record, whether a positive one or a negative one.

    There’s another thought that’s squirming around my mind but I’m going to post this first and think a little more.

    I was really impressed by this post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. it is hard to realize that we’re all in different places, on different levels. I sure didn’t take that into consideration when I was “new” in the fandom or at blogging. I was aware of it, but only insofar as it concerned me: that I was a newbie and I felt like I not only had to play catch up but also to speak loudly so that others knew I exist. I slowly realized that most of the other fans that were having the same problems that I was, all came into the fandom around the same time that I did. even though it wasn’t that long ago, a lot of them aren’t around anymore, so I feel a little of what you’re speaking of.

      even during that time I knew I wasn’t the sole cause of the tension, many other things and various interactions with others played into that negative atmosphere. I added to the fire, no doubt about that, but I reflected in one of my comments to that post that I felt the “fight” wasn’t even really *with* me. I don’t like thinking about what came after, both in respect to my personal experiences and to those of the fandom as a whole. but you’re right, we do need to leave the evidence of it happening instead of hiding it under the rug. it’s made us who we are, for better or for worse, as individuals and as part of this fandom.

      thank you for responding to this particular “look back”. I know it’s not easy but it can be beneficial as we push forward 🙂

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  2. RA has something to say about ‘honesty’ online

    ‘But ‘on line’…how? It’s usually in the answer that is written in return, but, my goodness, the misinterpretations that can happen when we don’t express ourselves succinctly and specifically.

    Even then, motives are questioned, agendas are speculated on, subconscious…well let’s leave that to the Psychologists.

    Let’s not censor too much, and yes we must speak our minds and the truth; but we must also ‘watch the destination of our words’ and understand the ‘fuel propelling it’. It could be anger, it could be hatred. Sometimes it’s provocation, sarcasm, humor. Sometimes it’s just to be contrary to what everyone else is saying. Just stop and think before you hit ‘send’.

    Re read what you wrote, I do it all the time. I delete more than I send. (I pull back that which I’ve changed my mind about.) If I have a strong opinion about something which I want to express I really task myself with backing it up with the ‘why do I feel that?’

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    1. I’m trying to teach this to my daughter currently, to “think before you speak”, b/c her “friends” can be so nasty when they don’t get their way or become jealous about something. one friend in particular sends her the meanest rants and tries to convince my daughter that it’s all her fault, that *she’s* not a good friend/person. then two days later the friend will delete the conversation so that her mom won’t find it. ugh. I had a big long talk w/my daughter last night about Toxic friendships and to not believe this friend’s threats. I try to comfort her by saying that no one is going to believe this friends lies. you can’t control how others think of you, just be the best person that you can be and your reputation will speak for you. my daughter isn’t yet 11 but will be going into the 6th grade, so she’s one of the youngest in her class. I hate that she’s having to learn these hard lessons already.

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