Free Form

I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. ~Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice


Hi! *waves* long time no see. it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged but I’m still wandering around the fandom.



A few days ago I saw a retweet of a new fanvid by Girl of Gisborne. I clicked on it because it was described as a “crack” video, and I was curious to see if it could make me laugh. it did, I loved it! it felt so good to laugh at something fandom related again.


Even though I had recently unfollowed Richard on Twitter

I say who, I say when, I say…who

I found myself still following the drama surrounding his newfound voice, and I saw him say:



did Richard just….stand his ground?!





he soon removed the tweet but that didn’t matter to me this time because that phrase, ‘feel free not to follow‘, got stuck on a loop inside my head. like it was supposed to mean something to me, something important. hmm.


After months of RA related silence on Twitter, I made a tweet about him (give me a new photoshoot, Richard, and I will tweet your pretty face more often. just sayin’.)

more of this, please!
more of this, please!

when someone replied that it was good to see I still liked Richard. it brought to my mind his words describing love. Richard makes me feel all of those things sometimes, with his words and his actions. and that’s okay.



My 3 year blogging anniversary was in May. on that day I found myself reflecting back on some of the things I had learned throughout my RA fangirling/blogging experience. I didn’t make a post that day but I did save the list I had made:


  1. I’ve learned that it’s easy to get caught up in the happenings that surround you
  2. I’ve learned that it feels better to forgive, than to hold onto a grudge
  3. I’ve learned that considering other points of view broadens your horizons
  4. I’ve learned that there is a freedom in not having to prove that you are right
  5. I’ve learned the appeal of being the class clown
  6. I’ve learned that my fan experience is *my* responsibility
  7. I’ve learned that Richard and I are not interchangeable
  8. I’ve learned that I like leather jackets
  9. I’ve learned that I greatly admire subtle acts of rebellion
  10. I’ve learned that I like a well trimmed beard
  11. I’ve learned that following your heart may cost you friends
  12. I’ve learned that I always have a choice


I added that last line just yesterday, because I finally realized why Richard’s tweet was on repeat inside my head. Feel Free. free to do my thing and free for Richard to do his.

…and the record stopped skipping.



28 thoughts on “Free Form

    1. that has always been one of my complaints, that Richard was too passive. and now not only did he stand up for something but I detected some cynicism in there as well! I was conflicted at first b/c it wasn’t on my terms, not something that I wanted to see him step out about (politics). but beggars can’t be choosers 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know what you mean (it’s handy for me that I’m also politics focused), but I needed a signal about the personality there. I figured it had to be there (because how else can you be an actor, if you don’t have that personality feature?) so this was a relief.

        Everyone else has focused on your other point — I didn’t comment on that because it’s more or less been my position. Fangirl the way you want. For me pieces of that have included struggle, which is okay for me but might not be okay for you.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I didn’t set out to do a lot of introspection in relation to Richard/fangirling, I just wanted to spotlight him and destress by being silly. I should have known the heavy stuff would catch up to me sooner or later, it’s a big part of my personality 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  1. *Wave* Thanks for the post, Kelly. It made me feel better about my own psych circles that I’ve been running in my head recently about my RA-fanning (new word!). I’ve been trying to figure out what I need to do to avoid frustration given the communication channels we have to share info, and what I need to do to still have fun with it (or not, and at that point say goodbye). You’re lovely.


    1. I’ve been lost for awhile now, not knowing whether I was holding on too tightly to something that I should just let go. but it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I control the frequency, I control the speed. as I said in my “things I’ve learned” list, it’s so easy to get caught up in the happenings that surround us. to let the actions, words, and opinions of other people (Richard included) box us into a framework that we feel we have to either survive in or leave. I can be a fan of Richard without sharing it with anyone, and I can be a fan of Richard and shout it from the rooftops. I can be more a fan of his work than I am a fan of his person, and I can be more a fan of his person than of his work, and I can also be somewhere in between. I can pick and choose, tweak and adjust, as I see fit on any given day. that doesn’t mean my feelings have died or that I’m not a true/loyal fan. I’m tired of feeling guilty for not conforming to the standards others have set. and so in the same respect, I shouldn’t expect Richard to conform to mine. but that’s just me. you get to choose what works for you, even if it’s different from what works for me 🙂

      Liked by 6 people

      1. I like this comment even more than the blog post. It is like a fan credo, and should be sent as a printed version to every new member of the fandom. Yes – to being a fan on your individual terms.
        Glad to see you write. Whenever you want! Your voice is always worth hearing!

        Liked by 5 people

      2. This comment is perfection – thank you ❤ . I often feel frustrated by the fandom – for all of the reasons you’ve mentioned and probably more – and I’m going to try and live by these words going forward. “I can pick and choose, tweak and adjust, as I see fit on any given day.” Becoming a fan of Richard’s has had a scarily (?) huge affect on my life – and I want, always, to think of it as a positive affect. Within this framework, I can.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. he’s had a huge affect on my life as well, and it is scary sometimes! he influences me in positive ways but there are negative aspects too. when I surround myself with nothing but him, I run the risk of not only closing myself off from other enriching experiences but also losing my differentness as well. Richard and I are alike in a lot of ways but different in just as many. he seems to welcome diversity but a large portion of his fans do not (even though they say they do). it’s scary to stand out in a crowd, to admit that everything “Richard” is not coated in gold.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. You said exactly what I’ve been wanting to say and you have the courage to do what I don’t – which is unfollow him. Since I’m not on twitter often, it’s not so much a hassle.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I rarely follow the Twitter accounts of the actors I like. they’re either too political, too impersonal, or passionate about things that I’m not interested in. I follow fan sites/individual fans instead. I’m really picky with those too though…I’m hard to please 😛

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aside from the wisdom of your post, this comment brings up a really good point. There is such a wide variety of platforms to choose from we can be free to pick and choose depending on the experience we are looking for. I’m big on blogs and Twitter. Not so much Tumblr or Reddit. It’s all about choice!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You’ve made me smile along in agreement (I love your gifs and captions)! Your list is an EXCELLENT one. Enjoy at your own pace, I do as well and it is, indeed, freeing!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If Richard was Disnelyland, I would hang out in Fantasyland. And humorland if there was one. Thanks for the reminder that we are free to choose how we participate in the fandom, or not. Loved your comment and Shades.

    Liked by 1 person

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