I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. ~Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice
Hi! *waves* long time no see. it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged but I’m still wandering around the fandom.
A few days ago I saw a retweet of a new fanvid by Girl of Gisborne. I clicked on it because it was described as a “crack” video, and I was curious to see if it could make me laugh. it did, I loved it! it felt so good to laugh at something fandom related again.
Even though I had recently unfollowed Richard on Twitter
I found myself still following the drama surrounding his newfound voice, and I saw him say:
did Richard just….stand his ground?!
he soon removed the tweet but that didn’t matter to me this time because that phrase, ‘feel free not to follow‘, got stuck on a loop inside my head. like it was supposed to mean something to me, something important. hmm.
After months of RA related silence on Twitter, I made a tweet about him (give me a new photoshoot, Richard, and I will tweet your pretty face more often. just sayin’.)
when someone replied that it was good to see I still liked Richard. it brought to my mind his words describing love. Richard makes me feel all of those things sometimes, with his words and his actions. and that’s okay.
My 3 year blogging anniversary was in May. on that day I found myself reflecting back on some of the things I had learned throughout my RA fangirling/blogging experience. I didn’t make a post that day but I did save the list I had made:
- I’ve learned that it’s easy to get caught up in the happenings that surround you
- I’ve learned that it feels better to forgive, than to hold onto a grudge
- I’ve learned that considering other points of view broadens your horizons
- I’ve learned that there is a freedom in not having to prove that you are right
- I’ve learned the appeal of being the class clown
- I’ve learned that my fan experience is *my* responsibility
- I’ve learned that Richard and I are not interchangeable
- I’ve learned that I like leather jackets
- I’ve learned that I greatly admire subtle acts of rebellion
- I’ve learned that I like a well trimmed beard
- I’ve learned that following your heart may cost you friends
- I’ve learned that I always have a choice
I added that last line just yesterday, because I finally realized why Richard’s tweet was on repeat inside my head. Feel Free. free to do my thing and free for Richard to do his.
…and the record stopped skipping.