We should all do what, in the long run, gives us joy, even if it is only picking grapes or sorting laundry ~E.B.White


When I think of what it is to be a fan of an actor, following their career and taking part in discussions about them and their work, words that come to my mind are things like admiration, gratification, fulfillment, passion, camaraderie, fun. that’s what I feel when I’m admiring on my own or with like minded people but when someone asks me about my hobbies, what I like to do for fun, do I say I like to admire actors and discuss their work online? (oh! that was good phrasing, I need to remember that…) the answer is: no. why? because the words that swirl around my head in those situations are more along the lines of childish, shameful, secretive, stalkerish, judgmental, misunderstood. when I do attempt to explain, people generally think I mean gossip magazines and entertainment news shows, neither of which are really my thing.



my family and close friends know about my “hobby”. I wouldn’t say they’re supportive so much as indifferent. they know I like actors and the movies they star in, I talk about them all the time, but I’m a storyteller so it’s just par for the course when I bring up a character from a movie to illustrate a point. if I went into detail about how I know or why I know, well, that’s when things get tricky. because unless you get paid to be a movie critic or gossip columnist, then you’re just wasting your time on frivolous pursuits. “wow, you really like this guy don’t you? isn’t that a little…obsessive?”



I’m drawn to actors. not musicians, or directors, or professional athletes, but actors. I like acting. the psychology of why I admire the male variety is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things; the lust factor is not as big as people automatically assume. if I were a man, these actors would be my sports heroes. I would rattle off their batting averages and recall specific games in detail, while pondering how their grip on the bat affects their swing. I would vocally admire their impressive knack for reading other players and speculate about their emotional state and how it may be throwing them off balance, or maybe that’s just the cut of the new uniforms. all of that would be considered normal. yet watching all of an actor’s work and recalling the nuances of body language they put into each character, while comparing their real life persona to their acting one, is obsessive. admiring an actor’s craft and the choices that they make, both professionally and personally, and weighing how the way they see the world around them plays into all of that; well, that’s stalking. “you know you can’t have a relationship with them, right? they’re not real”

not real? I was the last time I checked...
‘last time I checked, I was real’

I’ve been admiring actors pretty much all my life. the reasons change, how I go about “admiring” may differ, but it’s always something that I’ve enjoyed. and just as there is skill in sports, a rush of excitement and adrenaline, life lessons to be taken away from the game and applied to real life; I find all of that in acting as well. the drooling over the attractiveness of the players, is just human nature. and the lighthearted, sometimes silly, atmosphere that often infuses the crowd? silly is subjective. next time you go to a professional sporting event, look around you and you’ll see what I mean.

Cosplay? never heard of it.
‘Cosplay? never heard of it’

sports, cars, acting, singing, fashion, fishing; it’s all relative. recognize what brings you joy and embrace it. what we do, as fans, doesn’t have to be hidden in shame. it makes us happy, it connects us to others, it can be a healthy escape from the not-so-fun responsibilities of our every day realities. what’s so wrong with that?



as we so often say in this fandom, every one “fans” differently, there is no right or wrong way to do it. while many of us may follow a similar path in the way we go about things, our personalities and individual situations are reflected in our actions. we have different sensibilities, we get different things out of the experience but the great thing about being a fan online is that it’s all up to us, we can tailor it to fit our needs. my “normal” usually consists of the following: I become aware of an actor and am impressed by one of his performances. I look him up on IMDb to see what other movies/television shows he’s been in. I Google his name and click on a few fan-sites, along with browsing through Google images to get a better feel of him. this usually satisfies my initial curiosity but as the weeks and months go by, I’ll casually investigate more by turning to Youtube for interviews. if I’m lucky, someone will have uploaded some of his older, lesser known work. after watching some of that, I’ll turn back to the fan-sites and find print interviews and articles. I like both video and print interviews because they offer slightly different views on the actor’s personality and work ethic. all of this “research” may take place over several weeks and months, or it may be a crash course that happens over one weekend; I tend to alternate between the two.

Popquiz, hotshot: there's a tornado chasing a bus. if the bus picks up speed your wet shirt will dry, disappointing fangirls everywhere. what do you do? what do you do?!
popquiz, hotshot: there’s a tornado chasing a bus. if the bus picks up speed your wet shirt will dry, disappointing fangirls everywhere. what do you do? what do you do?!

it’s normal for me to not be able to get an actor off my mind. how he moves, how he talks, what I’ve learned about his background and what kind of actor he is. I become enamored with his characters, daydreaming about their stories and struggles, putting myself in their shoes and contemplating what I would have done differently in their situation. by this point I’ve formed some opinions on the actor and his work, and so I might venture out to see what other people think of him. this can be hard at the “puppy love” stage because the internet is a harsh place.


people may say he’s ugly, people may say he seems like a jerk, people may complain that his acting sucks and anyone who doesn’t see it must be blind. this is when I forcefully sit on my hands and resist the (very strong) urge to jump in and say that they’re the crazy ones if they can’t see how talented he is! that I happen to like how he looks and no one is forcing them to like him, so just be quiet!!


but here’s what I always have to remind myself: their words have nothing to do with me. their words don’t change how the actor affects me. their words are just words. in the end, all that really matters is me. I shouldn’t have to defend what makes me happy, I shouldn’t have to justify why it makes me happy or how. I can internally debate those things on my own, but looking to others for approval about what makes me happy is not something I want to spend my time on.

it shows, believe me.
it shows, believe me

I want to fall in love with fictional characters. I want to revel in the way that certain actors bring them to life. I want to learn about the actors that portray those characters, see myself in them and watch them experience things that I never will. I want to see them grow as people and let them continually surprise me with their talent. I want to smile when I hear their voice in interviews, swoon when I see them in photoshoots, laugh and cry and rage and even shiver in fear, as they wreak havoc on my emotions during their performances. I want to celebrate all of the good things about them with fellow fans, and even admit the not-so-good things about them (and consequently, me) with people that I feel safe with. I learn from them, both the actors themselves and the people I discuss them with, in so many different ways.

everyday I'm shufflin
everyday I’m shufflin


“What’s your hobby?”

I like to crush on talented men.



⭐ ⭐ ⭐

and just for the record, I have nothing against sports.

I like sports. a lot.



What Separates Richard From All the Rest?

Now that I’ve gotten the silly out of my system in regards to the I Saw Something Fine Flash Fan Event theme, I thought I’d turn contemplative for this post and explore what it is that separates Richard Armitage from all of the other crush-worthy celebrities out there; what makes Richard fine to me.

banner for "I Saw Something Fine" event
banner by Morrighan’sMuse

My first impressions of Richard were based on his acting abilities, the eerie way that the individual souls of his characters come seeping out through his eyes. It wasn’t a physical attraction that pulled me in at first, that’s not to say that I didn’t find his looks appealing, just that nothing in particular stood out to me overly much in that department; he just seemed normal.

black jacket, wool cap

Once I had a few of his performances under my belt, I wanted to make sure this mesmerizing actor wasn’t a deplorable man. So I started to familiarize myself with his personality and the way he handled himself in public.

nape curls and scruff-interview

Richard remarked that he’s most like Harry Kennedy in real life. I have a soft spot for Harry, so Richard was already racking up points by comparing himself to playful Harry Kennedy!

Harry profile, glasses

The way that Richard handled himself in interviews was also a plus: his knowledge of the character he was portraying and how he fit into the story that was happening around him, his attentiveness to the questions being asked and his attempts at giving concise answers that weren’t repetitive, and just Richard’s general way of remaining friendly and approachable; gave me the impression that he not only cared about his work but he cared about those who were interested in it.

Comic-Con press conf.

As I continued to observe, a dry and often self-depreciating sense of humor started to emerge as well. Richard Armitage enjoyed his job, inside and out, and that was refreshing to see.

red carpet, signing SB book

His intention is not to lead but to share, he doesn’t loftily preach but shows by example instead, he does not strive for attention but merely for a chance to keep on meeting the challenge.

brown jacket against stone wall

There is much for me to classically admire in Richard Armitage: dedication, initiative, modesty, patience, etc. etc. but I also admire the everyday struggles: he occasionally says the wrong thing, he’s sometimes a little flippant or a bit too aloof, unusually quiet and not able to get past himself; he’s human, just like me.

shadowed bars on face

Richard is someone I could bump into on the street, someone I may find myself standing behind in line, someone who might be sitting at the next table. This has made me more aware of those I encounter in my life; they could be somebody’s Richard.

Richard being helped at airport

I may not have Richard’s drive but there are things I’m dedicated and determined about, in my own ways. There are things that are important to me that I’m passionate about; So when I’m wrapped up in pursuing those things: I’ll try to be a little more understanding of others, be a little more generous and gracious, show a little more respect with my preparations, try to be a little more friendly & sacrifice my unease for someone else when I can, and try harder to acknowledge when others do these things for me.

As The Arkenstone recently said, “He makes you want to be a little bit better than you already thought you were.”

starched shirt with necklace


Now this is not to say that Richard is my Guru, that I look to him for spiritual guidance (that would be a heavy weight to carry) I’m not wearing a WWRD bracelet or hanging his quotes upon my wall ( those dwarf phrases of his would make excellent conversations pieces though…) No, Richard is simply someone I can learn a bit more about myself from, by exploring his characters with the depth that he gives them and the simple way he continues to live his life with grace.

patched jeans, blue shirt

It’s that subtle charisma, that special something that makes Richard who he is, that separates him from all the rest. And it’s through finding that something in Richard, that I’ve discovered that something in myself as well.

I saw something fine…and it was me.

Thank You, Richard.

brown suede, gold sweater

There is One Who I Could Follow

there is one I could call King

While watching the George Stroumboulopoulos interview and preparing to wax lyrical about Richard Armitage’s insightful Tolkien knowledge,

two different quotes stood out to me. First, from the opening monologue by George in relation to Richard:

When Peter Jackson came calling, the actor known for playing heavies picked himself off the floor and steadied himself to play a hero.

*discreetly wipes eyes*

And then, from Richard in relation to Peter Jackson’s leadership style:

I wanted Thorin to lead with that quiet authority. I wanted him to inspire loyalty instead of command it, and that’s exactly how Peter Jackson works.

you’re doing it wrong

So I decided to dig through my notes and find some things that I’ve said about Richard, amidst my fangirling.

is this going to hurt?


He has a quiet confidence about him, that I find soothing.


Richard Armitage captivates me on so many levels.


Richard nurtures my inherent serious nature. He’s polite, a bit reserved and bashful, but has a sense of dorky humor underneath. I find his approach to acting quite admirable, and he’s a late bloomer (like me) he just makes me want to be a better person.


He has a subtle everyday charisma that sneaks up on you. He’s not an over-the-top, in-your-face kind of guy.

In a recent interview from Sydney, Richard described his method of acting as marinating.

it’s like marinating in a character, you’re not being him but he’s never very far from your thoughts… you just keep him in mind all the time.


I think that sums up Richard’s daily presence in my life perfectly. I routinely find myself surrounded by

Reliable Thorin Oakenshield


Devoted John Thornton


Tactile Lucas North


Focused Guy of Gisborne


Tenacious John Porter


Serene John Standring


and Harry Kennedy.

How to describe my fondness for Harry?

If the Matrix were real, I’d happily live in Dibley with Harry while machines sucked out my insides.