I’ll Stand By You

Fan A to Z Challenge

I.) What made you come out as a fan and participate in the fandom online?

I came into this fandom with the intent to participate. at first I thought that might happen on fan forums but the more I looked around, the more the blogging community appealed to me. it was scary to make those first few comments but once I did, I realized how welcoming the blogs were to newcomers. before long, the itch to open my own blog became almost overwhelming. once I checked into WordPress and saw how user friendly the platform was, I set about brainstorming what kind of blog I wanted to have. I decided to stick to the basics and just tell my own story, how I discovered things within the fandom and what I thought of them. I borrowed the gif caption concept from a Robert Pattinson blog that I used to love reading and the rest I let come naturally. so it wasn’t any one person or any one blog that made me decide ‘hey, I can do that!’ but more just a welcoming community atmosphere. I didn’t befriend other fans and then open a blog, I opened a blog to befriend other fans.

how you doin?

 

J.) Are you outed as a fan among your family and friends?

yes. my kids, husband, and parents are always pretty much aware of which actor I’m crushing on at the moment. even if I don’t mention the person out loud, my family starts to see a pattern in the movies I’m suddenly watching.

what? I’ve always liked fava beans & chianti.

 

K.) Have you met RA? Where? Have you got a photo to share? And what did you say to him?

no, I haven’t met him. not in the traditional sense, but this blog is filled with my pretend interactions with him…

*insert swoony scenario here*

 

L.) Dealbreakers- what would make you stop being RA’s fan?

This is a hard one.

that’s what she said!

Is there anything he could do that would make me stop being a fan completely? because as much as I whine about him changing and not being who I thought he was and not choosing the kinds of projects I want to see and so I went off and found me someone different who could meet my needs…I’m still blogging about him, aren’t I?

Truth.com

I guess the dealbreaker would have to be something in his personality, like he became outspokenly racist or something? I don’t know. if he did suddenly do a complete 180, I’d probably just feel sorry for him and try to figure out what horrible thing happened to him to make him that way. I’m loyal to a fault.

~*~*~*~

and everything changed

Fan A-Z Challenge

E.) Which of RA’s audio chARacters do you think he should play in a film adaptation?
I’m going to skip this question because I’m not a fan of audio books. I liked A Convenient Marriage, Venetia was okay, Lords of The North put me to sleep, and I quit Hamlet 20 minutes in.

 

F.) Name a play that you wish RA would do.
I’m not a big theatre goer. not that I don’t like plays, I do, I just haven’t had the opportunity to see many. my grand total is 8, most of which were musicals.

 

G.) How long have you been in the fandom, and how has your attitude to the fandom changed during that time?
The answer to this one is so long winded, it makes up for skipping the previous two!
get comfy, this is going to take awhile…

I started lurking in this fandom in January of 2013, before starting this blog 4 months later. I announced my decision to stop blogging about Richard Armitage in late August of 2016- only to go against that decision and create a temporary blog to work through my confusion. I deleted that blog and moved those posts to my Getting Caught Up In The Mechanism blog, where I now blog about actors and fandom (Richard included). even after I stopped blogging about Richard here, I still kept a toe or two in the fandom by continuing to lurk in a few places. so I’ve been a part of this fandom for 5 years, a ‘superfan’ for 3. truthfully, I started wavering during year two but something kept pulling me back in.

understandable.

In the beginning, fandom was a dream come true for me because talk centered around one subject above all others and pretty much stuck to that subject throughout. I’ve gotten to know many of you through discussing Richard. sharing our experiences in relation to storylines, character traits, aesthetic preferences, etc. this is how my brain works, I learn through story telling. give me a text book and I will fall asleep after page 2 but give me a movie/book/song that is fiction-based-on-fact, and I will eat it up in record time. I had been a member of 2 small groups in 2 different fandoms before this one, so I just assumed I would do the same within the RA blogging community as well. except the community reached farther than I thought it did. there were more blogs to read and comment on, more content to catch up on, more opportunities to interact with other fans…more frustration when the community became distracted by personal issues, opinions, and opposing methods of dealing with conflict. I didn’t sign up for that. I had a lot of positive experiences within the fandom too but the negativity seemed to dim their light. I am highly sensitive to underlying tension. some fans are able to shake that stuff off, ignore it if it doesn’t touch them directly; I am not one of those fans. I feel it in every wink and eye roll. I try to escape it by finding greener pastures, only to step into it again.

a glitch in the Matrix?

All of this was a constant push and pull to me, then Richard jumped into fandom himself, affecting a significant part of my fandom experience. I struggled with how big of a part that was. fandom was fandom and Richard was Richard and never the two shall meet. when they did meet? I cannot put into words how much that confused me and threw me off kilter. I could no longer separate Richard from fandom. when I finally came to terms with it all, observing from the outside instead of participating from the inside, the good memories overshadowed the bad and I was able to let the bitterness go. but that part of me that was damaged by not being able to separate Richard from his fandom never recovered.

August 22, 2014-a date which will live in infamy.

I have such happy memories of my interactions on this blog. the silly captions and all those reaction gifs, the sometimes deep and sometimes shallow but always enjoyable discussions in the comment section, the familiar avatars of my readers and the warm feeling I get when I still see them on Twitter. it’s easier to let the hurt go now that my fangirl heart has fallen for someone else. I don’t regret this blog, I don’t regret the fandom friends I made, I don’t regret falling for Richard. it’s shaped me and helped me grow as a person in ways I didn’t anticipate but greatly value.

and since I live my life in song lyrics, I have a playlist for all of this. it starts with how fandom first felt for me in the beginning as I fell for Richard, moving into the yo-yo of emotions I went through as my feelings for both the fandom and Richard changed. then it touches upon the reluctance I felt when I left and my eyes became focused on someone new, ending with how I opened myself up to a new crush and let myself be happy again. some of these songs were part of my original RA playlist, while the others I turned to often as a reflection of my mood(s).

 

Fan A-Z Challenge

A new blogging challenge, woo hoo! Guylty has created the Fan A-Z Challenge and I just had to come out of hiding to participate, because you know I can’t resist these types of things!

me, trying to resist a fangirl questionnaire

There are some really good questions in this challenge that aren’t just the same old ‘favorite outfit’ type

not that there’s anything wrong with favorite outfits…

The questions about fandom are what really intrigued me. a few of the questions don’t apply to me but I think I’ll be able to answer most of them. so without further ado, let’s tackle the first letter.

A.) if you add up all the money you have spent on DVDs, cinema tickets, accommodation, theatre tickets, fanart, audio books etc, how expensive has RA been so far?

Compared to other fans, I haven’t spent a lot of money on my RA fangirling.

you keep telling yourself that

I have purchased relatively little merchandise and I haven’t gone to a premiere or any kind of event. after sitting down and adding it all up, this is what I’ve spent money on:

  • cinema tickets for all three Hobbit movies (The Desolation of Smaug twice) and Into The Storm
  • DVDs/Blurays for all three Hobbit movies
  • rented film version of The Crucible and interview
  • Funko Pop! Thorin
  • Red Dragon Plushie
  • An Inconvenient Marriage and Venetia audio books on CD
  • North & South novel
  • North & South DVD
  • A Heart For Milton ebook
  • Harry Kennedy episodes of The Vicar of Dibley on DVD
  • Photobucket add free plans for 2 years to house my collection of gifs

That’s about it! anything else I have was gifted to me.

Gift.

It doesn’t seem like much, as far as fangirling goes, but it adds up to a little over $300 over a five year period. quite a steal for all of the enjoyment it’s brought me ❤

 

It’s Time

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Fangirling over a celebrity can be like a courtship. first comes puppy love, then the realization of something deeper, which cultivates into a commitment of sorts. the “falling” eventually runs it’s course and you settle into an existence. as time goes on things change, because people change. we can either evolve and move forward, or veer off onto a path that takes us somewhere else. we can’t move backwards. while you may tell yourself that if you just stay still then everything will work itself out, you risk sacrificing your happiness to do so.

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happiness

When I first started this blog, I was firmly in the puppy stage. I wanted to gush about Richard until I was out of breath, take a hit of oxygen, and then gush some more! then I moved into the “something deeper” phase and found myself exploring the hearts of not only the characters Richard portrayed, but the man himself. once I settled into “an existence” though, it became harder and harder to come up with fresh blog post ideas. in the beginning, it was effortless, but now that I’m three years in I have to work at it. I don’t like forcing it and I don’t like not posting either because it feels like a white blank space that blinds me. so after much thought, I’ve decided to hang up my blogging hat. I’ve had a good run, have so many good memories to keep with me, and so I think it’s better to sign off now while I still feel that way.

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Do I regret any of it? no, not even a little. this blogging experience has shaped me in ways that I never imagined; good, bad, and everything in between. I’m not sure I could have done it with any other crush or any other fandom. but while I may be done blogging about Richard Armitage, that does not mean I am ready to quit being a fan of Richard’s or leave the fandom altogether. I’d miss you guys way too much! (and him too, but whatever)

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he knows

To mark this transition for myself, I’ve picked a new look for this blog but the memories we’ve shared here will remain. I wouldn’t have had as much fun as I’ve had, without all of you, and so I want to be able to revisit those times whenever I feel the need. I hope you will stop by and browse back through them as well when you need a pick-me-up. I’m not sure where the next chapter of my fangirling will take me, but it soothes me to know I’ll be among friends. thank you for sharing the last 3 years with me, “the ride with you was worth the fall”.

Catch you on the flip side!
❤ Kelly

 

Laces Optional

When I first saw the behind-the-scenes pics/video of Richard filming ‘Berlin Station’ wearing Converse brand All Star sneakers without laces, I was intrigued.

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how did they stay on without slipping if there were no laces? I’ve worn similar shoes throughout the years and when I leave them untied, they flop around all over the place! over the next few days whenever I saw these pics of Richard in the shoes, I would ponder. then I saw a candid of Christian Bale in Converse brand All Star sneakers without laces

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…what? this was too much of a coincidence. off to Google! and what I found is that Converse now makes ‘Chuck Taylor All Star Slips’

 

The Converse Chuck Taylor All Star Slip offers our iconic Oxford silhouette, but renders laces optional with an effortless, slip on design. Easy on, easy off. The washed canvas gives it a well-worn, lived in look. The classic All Star heel patch, vulcanized rubber sole, brushed metal eyelets, reinforced rubber toe cap, padded footbed and cultural authenticity remain intact.

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and now it all makes sense! Just another day in the life of a fangirl.