A Good Place

Fan A to Z Challenge

H.) How has your attitude to RA changed over your time as a fan?

I remember loving his eyes from the get go, not just the color but the way he uses them in his acting. Thorin’s eyes are what really drew me to him. that, and his voice. I loved the low, commanding sound of Thorin’s voice, how it combined wisdom and compassion and came out husky but silky? I don’t know how else to describe it. I liked how Richard looked with a beard and how he seemed so well informed in interviews during The Hobbit era. his younger self was more lighthearted but more awkward as well, so although I loved his dorkiness, I preferred the ‘older’ version. I never really liked him clean shaven. it makes his face seem full of sharp edges.

I loved The Crucible- so full of passion and heart wrenching moral dilemmas. and big dusty boots! I enjoyed Hannibal too, even though it was very dark and the red dragon visited me in my nightly dreams in a way that was both terrifying and exhilarating. Richard looked really good as Francis Dolarhyde, like a sculpture of the male form. I didn’t like how his clothing style switched to a younger look during that time. I don’t mind it now but then, it just seemed like too much of a change too quickly. I wanted to like Berlin Station. I wanted to. Daniel didn’t pull me in that first season, and I really needed him to.

masterpiece

The past two years have been rough on me, both mentally and physically. my grandfather’s death brought about changes in my extended family that have been rocky to traverse. then I suddenly became ill with stomach issues that took awhile to diagnose, the solution of which brought about something that was worse than the original ailment! I’m right as rain now (knock on wood) but at the time I needed a distraction, something I could lose myself in to forget all my woes for awhile. I needed someone with a sunny disposition and Richard, bless him, is not that person. I was lured away by another pair of pale blue eyes, someone who checked off those missing boxes of wedding ring and family man as well. in the end, all of that was the impetus, not twitter. twitter is just easier to blame.

Overall, I still admire Richard as an actor. I still respect him as a person. I still enjoy him in interviews. he may not be my main focus anymore but he’s still in focus. and that’s still a good place to be.

 

 

Free Form

I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. ~Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice

 

Hi! *waves* long time no see. it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged but I’m still wandering around the fandom.

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A few days ago I saw a retweet of a new fanvid by Girl of Gisborne. I clicked on it because it was described as a “crack” video, and I was curious to see if it could make me laugh. it did, I loved it! it felt so good to laugh at something fandom related again.

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Even though I had recently unfollowed Richard on Twitter

I say who, I say when, I say…who

I found myself still following the drama surrounding his newfound voice, and I saw him say:

 

did Richard just….stand his ground?!

 

 

he soon removed the tweet but that didn’t matter to me this time because that phrase, ‘feel free not to follow‘, got stuck on a loop inside my head. like it was supposed to mean something to me, something important. hmm.

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After months of RA related silence on Twitter, I made a tweet about him (give me a new photoshoot, Richard, and I will tweet your pretty face more often. just sayin’.)

more of this, please!

when someone replied that it was good to see I still liked Richard. it brought to my mind his words describing love. Richard makes me feel all of those things sometimes, with his words and his actions. and that’s okay.

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My 3 year blogging anniversary was in May. on that day I found myself reflecting back on some of the things I had learned throughout my RA fangirling/blogging experience. I didn’t make a post that day but I did save the list I had made:

 

1. I’ve learned that it’s easy to get caught up in the happenings that surround you
2. I’ve learned that it feels better to forgive, than to hold onto a grudge
3. I’ve learned that considering other points of view broadens your horizons
4. I’ve learned that there is a freedom in not having to prove that you are right
5. I’ve learned the appeal of being the class clown
6. I’ve learned that my fan experience is *my* responsibility
7. I’ve learned that Richard and I are not interchangeable
8. I’ve learned that I like leather jackets
9. I’ve learned that I greatly admire subtle acts of rebellion
10. I’ve learned that I like a well trimmed beard
11. I’ve learned that following your heart may cost you friends
12. I’ve learned that I always have a choice

 

I added that last line just yesterday, because I finally realized why Richard’s tweet was on repeat inside my head. Feel Free. free to do my thing and free for Richard to do his.

…and the record stopped skipping.

 

Meet Cute

Around Valentine’s Day I came across a little Q&A that I found kind of cute. it asked questions about your partner but made it seem like they were the one asking, “what was your first impression of me? what do you like the best about me?” I plugged in my own answers in relation to my husband and had a nice walk down memory lane. then I got to thinking about different Richard Armitage characters, imagining the questions coming from them and, well, you know me: a new Challenge is born!

Meet Cute: Francis Dolarhyde

 

1.) What was your first impression of me?

shy, maybe a little creepy, with intensity simmering underneath

I’m sorry I slammed the door & woke you up! overreact much?

 

2.) What is your idea of a truly romantic evening with me?

when we play hide-n-seek at your house!

ready or not, here I come…

 

3.) Something that you’d like to change in me but don’t have the nerve to tell me

your eating habits are atrocious. there, I said it!

can you close your mouth please? the neighbors can hear you chewing

 

4.) Which 3 parts of my body are your favorites, and why?

your overall physique because you’re very fit and it conveys power. your tattoo because you seem to like it so much and it gives you confidence. your fingers because, well, just because.

 

5.) 3 qualities that attracted you when we first met, or once you got to know me

you’re unpredictable, sometimes vulnerable, but also confident. sometimes overly so.

yes, I know you’re super fast honey, that’s why you always win at Hide-n-Seek

 

6.) What is our favorite movie to watch together, and our favorite song?

movie: How to Train Your Dragon, song: Every Breath You Take

 

7.) Fruit or vegetable I resemble, and why

Plum, because it’s sweet & juicy but can kill you if you’re not careful

sugarplum is also my pet name for you, but you already know that ❤

 

8.) Our first date, where did it take place and what did we do?

it was at your house. you cooked me dinner, then we watched an artsy film together

not really my thing but you seemed to be into it

 

next I saw your workout space in the attic, where you showed off a little

 

then we wrapped up the evening with some fun role-play.

Lion Tamer is my favorite!

 

9.) If we hadn’t met, where would you be right now?

at home by myself. well, me and all my cats.

 

10.) What was on your mind the last time we were intimate?

I was thinking it’s time you come up with a new monologue

I love you sweetie but it’s become routine

 

11.) What was the first thing we said to one another?

you asked me how I got into your house. I said with a glass cutter. things progressed from there.

True Love

 

12.) What do you like the best about me?

you make the best shadow puppets I’ve ever seen

you’re so talented, baby!

 

 

 

Dragon!

The SinnaBunny visited my mailbox yesterday and left me: Belstaff Francis!

 

he was through the door without even a “you owe me awe” before he commandeered a living space for himself.

he seemed especially intrigued by the attic

 

Belstaff Francis was made by the talented Nancy Soares of sinnabunny crafts. her Etsy shop is filled with similar plushies from various television shows. I don’t think Francis should be left to his own devices in that big old house, maybe he’ll need a roommate in the future?

Guy of Gisborne could be a nice fit

or maybe John Proctor

I don’t know who this Garrett fellow is but he looks capable

decisions, decisions…

 

the sinnabunnycrafts shop on Etsy can be found here.

Running to Stand Still

Richard’s run on Hannibal is over and while I won’t miss the show itself, I have grown attached to Francis Dolarhyde, but not for the reasons I thought I might. a lot of fans have fallen for the shy boy, the damaged soul who doesn’t understand life and death and love in the way that most of us do. I like that Francis because I want to ease his burden, show him what love (all kinds) is.

 

The Francis that has really captured my attention though isn’t that shy boy, it’s the Francis who is becoming something more. not the Dragon persona specifically, because the Dragon is what pushes Francis to murder families and that’s horrible, but the part of him that is embracing the thought that he doesn’t have to sit back and take it anymore.

 

…which is a bit of an oxymoron since the Dragon is bullying Francis into doing what he wants. I guess I like the in-between Francis? I don’t know, I’m starting to confuse myself! let me explain what it is that I like and what facets of his personality(s) I find alluring.

alluring facet

 

I like the physical way that Francis starts inhabiting his body. not just the fleshy parts we get to see in the attic but also how his stance changes, the way he moves and walks. how the uncertain boy who first meets Reba, starts to own the space around him once they become intimate with one another. this is different from the man who first invites her into his van, eats pie with her; the methodical loner.

 

I find the physicality most alluring when he’s the Dragon; the power. I’ve become slightly addicted to the scene with Dr. Chilton. Richard’s acting steps out of the box here in a way that both frightens and excites me. he’s scary! his demeanor, his voice. I feel like I am right there in the room with them, frozen. I couldn’t leave if I wanted to! 

Francis aka ‘The Boogeyman’

 

The body itself entices me, as he’s sitting there in his robe. his shoulders seem so square all of a sudden, so regimented, and that patch of skin that’s peeking out at the neck. the silk of the robe, the hypnotizing cadence of the voice, not being able to see his eyes or observe his facial expressions forces me to rely on whatever it is that he is pushing out into the room. can pheromones reach through the television? 

 

there’s just all kinds of mind-fuckery going on in that scene! it shouldn’t feel sensual but it does. the fear shouldn’t entice me but it does. I shouldn’t eagerly anticipate whatever horror he’s about to unleash upon the doctor but I do. FYI: on rewatch, I shut this scene off after the feline stalk but before the demonic kiss. the gore is more than a little disturbing.

meow!

 

I feel some of that same magnetism during the scene when Reba locks the door. I think it’s understandable in that scene because it’s more clearly Francis, who is trying to  do right by Reba. it’s still that odd mixture of wariness and familiarity that is Francis, along with those sensual undertones. he’s telling her to touch his chest so that she can find the key that he’s wearing around his neck. 

 

it seems like something different, the encouraging tone to his voice feels intimate but quickly shifts to a reprimand when her touch goes too far.

 

I hold my breath when she goes over to lock the door, hoping that she will do what he says. not because I’m afraid for her but because I’m afraid for him.

 

 

I want him to feel that someone has faith in him, whether he deserves it or not. I want him to feel goodness in the air, if only for a fleeting moment, before he goes off to do what he feels he must do. he’s either going to fail at the task he’s set before himself, or the Dragon is going to prevail; neither scenario is promising. let him carry a talisman of goodness, of love, of humanity, with him where he ends up- so that he’s not alone. 

 

with all this feeling swirling around inside of me, it’s no wonder I was disappointed with how it all played out. I felt it was wrapped up too quickly, that the characters involved suddenly went off script and did things that didn’t mesh with what had gone before. aside from the very last frame of Francis, with his earthly wings, I felt he had been disrespected by the ending of the story. his demise wasn’t worthy of him, in my opinion. he was so smart and so cunning and so physically able, that whole tag team dance of blood just seemed cheap in comparison. 

 

in the end, I surprised myself with the attachment I grew to feel towards Francis. he’s like a roller-coaster that frightens me but gets my adrenaline flowing so strongly that I find myself stupidly shouting, “let’s go again!” I feel like I shouldn’t want to, but I will, because I have no choice.