Once upon a time I labeled the character of John Mulligan as a cad.

who, me?
who, me?

but also defended him with the opinion that he was a former bad boy just trying to get by.

yeah, let's go with that
yeah, let’s go with that

John confused me with the way he seduced the emotionally vulnerable Ellie by playing on her confidence issues. he’d talk down to her, reinforce how down on her luck she currently was–how far she had fallen from his previous conceptions of her– then flirt and build her back up again in the same conversation. that kind of manipulation never sat well with me but, ironically, I felt manipulated by the way the story was told through Ellie’s eyes, and so I fought against it. 


I was adamant that the pivotal scene when the drugs were found in her luggage, was not a set-up by John: he may have been hiding the drugs from her but he wasn’t using her to transport them….I was riding high on Mulligan charm.

it's the layers. chicks can't resist all this loud fabric.
it’s the layers. chicks can’t resist all this fabric!

somehow I misunderstood when Ellie said they should just use one suitcase for their trip instead of two. I was under the impression that they were sharing the same suitcase and thus the drugs she found were not intended to be transported by her alone. 


I must have also missed the part where John urged Ellie to go check and see if she had enough gas in the car, leaving him alone with the luggage–which was in actuality two separate suitcases–giving him the opportunity to either switch the drugs from his case to hers or to purposely place the drugs in her case as he intended to do all along. 

distRActed-part 2
distRActed-part 2

so, my opinion regarding John’s intentions has changed. I feel better about it now because I was fighting the creepiness before, the mental abuse John was exhibiting through his emotional manipulation of Ellie. I didn’t like it but I overlooked it because it didn’t fit in with what I wanted to see. but before you let out that breath you were holding in fear for my sanity, I must confess: I find prison John the more enticing of the two.

neck porn
neck porn

once he’s caught and gives his speech to Ellie, knocking her down a few pegs by pointing out that all the nice things she currently owns was bought with his money; the difference between the two personas is more apparent. it’s clear to me that prison John is the real him, and I dig his confidence. even though the jig is up, he’s resigned to his fate. he’s not blaming anyone for putting him there, he got caught and that is that.


before, I thought the look in John’s eyes at the end was regret because he really did like Ellie and he was sad that he lost what might have been.

Danger! Danger! do not look directly into the eyes!
Danger! Danger! do not look directly into the eyes!

but now I don’t see that look as loneliness or disappointment, but rather irrelevance: he just doesn’t care. I can respect that more than the smooth talker I thought he was before.

emptiness is the new sexy
emptiness is the new sexy

truth, even if it’s not the good kind, is preferable to a lie.

unless it's delivered while wearing this jacket- then all bets are off
unless it’s delivered while wearing this jacket- then all bets are off.

“H” is for Honesty

Do you ever feel like your interactions online are like a dinner party, where you need to watch what you say and how you say it in order to make a good impression?

*No, dressing your poodle up as Legolas isn't weird at all...*
*No, dressing your poodle up as Legolas isn’t weird at all…*

say what you wanna say

and let the words fall out

Honestly, I wanna see you be brave.

~”Brave” by Sara Bareilles


Lately, I’ve been feeling like the things that I say keep getting misunderstood. I’d like to think that it’s not intentional, that I’m just being overly sensitive; and that is true to an extent.

I can be clumsy; does that make me stupid? huh? Does it?! (no, it makes you a klutz. get over yourself)
I can be clumsy; does that make me stupid? huh? Does it?! (no, it makes you a klutz. get over yourself)

*I* need to own this. *I* need to stop tip-toeing around the issues because

“I’m new here and I don’t want to cause problems.”

*what if they're sleeping? maybe I should knock softer*
*what if they’re sleeping? maybe I should knock softer*

When I do confront

and it all goes to Hell


It’s my own expectations that are my biggest downfall.

My approach isn’t automatically the rule.

*that was funny. Laugh!*
*that was funny. Laugh!*

What are these unwritten rules that keep tripping me up?

Well, as I understand them, they seem to be:

– be nice

I can do that *smiles*

– be respectful to your fellow fans

again, no problem!


– be respectful of Richard

this one can be subjective, so I’ll just invest in some blinders

Richard should probably get some too
Richard should probably get some too

– I can respectfully criticize Richard, as long as I tack on a

“whatever makes him happy” disclaimer

as Richard Armitage fans, isn’t that a given, that we want him to be happy?

unless it makes you happy *winks*
unless it makes you happy *winks*

– I can state my opinions, as long as I include a “in my opinion” or

“everyone has a right to their own opinion.”

doesn’t the “I think” or “I feel” already cover that?


– don’t accidentally accuse anyone of…well, anything…

or imply that they are doing something wrong

this is getting complicated. (the doing-it-wrong issue can actually be one of my own hot-buttons; I’ve never claimed that I’m not a hypocrite 😉 )


So, in summary:

I should just approach every conversation

as if it has the potential to get me sued.

Richard! that is not PC! *tsk*
Richard! that is not PC! *tsk*

Cover my ass,

and just generally kiss ass

it's better to say arse; I've not figured out why, yet.
it’s better to say arse; I’ve not figured out why, yet.

and I

should be fine!


I’ve not spent a lot of time on blogs before, most of my interactions in other fandoms

have taken place on forums.

*she doesn't know our ways; I'll vouch for her this time*
*she doesn’t know our ways; I’ll vouch for her this time*

I love the interactions I’ve had with all of you

on this blog

you'rrre great!
you’rrre great!

but when I roam abroad,

I should bring along some protection

get your mind out of the gutter, Richard!
get your mind out of the gutter, Richard!

to build me up a bit first;

the lyrics to this Sara Bareilles song can help in that regard,

give it a listen:

Have you ever felt this way too? What kinds of things are holding you back, either in fandom or in real life?

Swearing, perhaps?

-fucking door!-
-fucking door!-




-you, God damned...-
-you, God damned…-


-bloody bastard!!-
-bloody bastard!!-

or maybe that’s just me 😳

show me how big your brave is