Love Yourself

every time I hear the “mama” part of this song, I think of mama Thornton not liking Margaret. so here’s my interpretation of the lyrics, from John Thornton’s point of view.

 

Love Yourselfby Justin Bieber

(the link will take you to the song on Youtube, in a separate window,  so you can play it in the background while viewing this post)

 

For all the times that you rain on my parade, and all the clubs you get in using my name

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You think you broke my heart, oh girl, for goodness sake. You think I’m crying on my own, well, I ain’t

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And I didn’t wanna write a song
’cause I didn’t want anyone thinking I still care, I don’t. But you still hit my phone up

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And baby, I be moving on.
And I think you should be somethin’ I don’t wanna hold back, maybe you should know that

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My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone. And I never like to admit that I was wrong

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And I’ve been so caught up in my job,
didn’t see what’s going on.
But now I know,
I’m better sleeping on my own

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‘Cause if you like the way you look that much, Oh baby, you should go and love yourself. And if you think that I’m still holding on to somethin’
you should go and love yourself

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And when you told me that you hated my friends, the only problem was with you and not them

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And every time you told me my opinion was wrong. And tried to make me forget where I came from

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And I didn’t wanna write a song
’cause I didn’t want anyone thinking I still care, I don’t.
But you still hit my phone up

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And baby, I be moving on.
And I think you should be somethin’ I don’t wanna hold back, maybe you should know that

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My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone. And I never like to admit that I was wrong

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And I’ve been so caught up in my job,
didn’t see what’s going on.
But now I know, I’m better sleeping on my own

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‘Cause if you like the way you look that much, Oh baby, you should go and love yourself. And if you think that I’m still holding on to somethin’
You should go and love yourself

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[musical interlude]

 

For all the times that you made me feel small. I fell in love, now I feel nothing at all

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And never felt so low when I was vulnerable. Was I a fool to let you break down my walls?

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‘Cause if you like the way you look that much, Oh baby, you should go and love yourself. And if you think that I’m still holding on to somethin’
You should go and love yourself

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‘Cause if you like the way you look that much, Oh baby, you should go and love yourself. And if you think that I’m still holding on to somethin’
You should go and love yourself

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Fanvid Friday: Stay

a North & South fanvid by TeaRoseProductions

Most North & South fanvids I’ve seen simply retell the story but this one focuses on the feelings themselves; I like the tone that comes across in the video because of that. We see John Thornton in his sincerity, the different feelings that consume him, not just the brooding and heartsickness; the scenes that are chosen really show the honesty in his face. And by the same token, Margaret’s eyes show her confusion instead of her haughtiness. I also really like the personal touches of the clock and the telescope lens effect.

My favorite parts? I’m not sure I can break them down into pieces because I like the video as a whole, it flows so well! I do like the opening with Thornton’s profile in the mill, there’s a softness to it without evoking fluffiness or sadness but just him being pensive, like a painting “Mill Owner, Lost in Thought”. and then it moves on to show that same profile looking out the window: the way he juts his chin up to steady himself. that little gesture sends a big wallop straight to my soul! The changes in the music during those parts helps those feelings along wonderfully.

I also really like the way Margaret and John give each other that long look at the :47 mark, before Margaret dips her head down. And then when he abruptly turns away from her at 1:34, how her body is then almost pulled toward him of it’s own volition. I can feel that one physically!

I’ve fallen even more in love with this vid as I’ve written this post. maybe it’s one of those “right time, right place” instances that we’ve been talking about lately in regards to the effect North & South can have on some of us but right here-right now, the John and Margaret that I see in this video have reached something inside of me that has been closed off to them before.

FF Gateway

Music & More challenge

 

27.) the first fanfic you read

The first fanfiction story I read in this fandom was Trudy Brasure’s A Heart for Milton…and I paid for it first, before reading. That is odd for me, to pay for a fanfic story, I still can’t get over the fact that I did that! It was early on, during my “research” phase. My husband was gone on a business trip, the kids were at sleepovers and I had spent all evening surfing YouTube, watching the different films of Richard Armitage that were available to view (for free)

money is expensive
money is expensive

Here’s the thing though: I had not watched North & South yet. Nope, I read A Heart for Milton first. I always seem to do things backwards, I don’t know why. With my favorite book series, Outlander, I read book number three first. then books four and two, before finally reading book number one. I find it exciting to do things out of order sometimes.

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Something that may also be worth noting is that up until that point, I would have rather had my nose broken on purpose, than to sink so low as to buy a published fanfiction story. That statement needs some background: as some of you know, the fandom I was involved in before this one was Twilight. I became quite an avid reader of Twilight fanfiction, for two years I had been living and breathing those stories. well, maybe not so much the living part (I have never, nor will I ever, own nipple clamps) just the breathing.

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I enjoyed the alternate universe stories best, the ones where everyone was human and they worked in a hospital, or were attending college together, maybe they were mobsters or professional sports athletes; the possibilities were endless! So, I was one of the readers who subscribed to a little fic known as Master of the Universe. Bondage is not usually my cup of tea(thus the aversion to nipple clamps) but this fic was very popular and I was enjoying Edward’s part in the story. But as the story was nearing it’s close, suddenly the author started removing chapters, only giving us a short window of opportunity to read them. Well, damn! Here we go with the “pull to publish” bullshit again!

Free Smut! Down with Publishing Pimps!
Free Smut! Down with Publishing!

This was something that was happening more and more in our community and it was getting quite annoying! I was able to sympathize with both sides when the issue first arose: some of those authors pored their life’s energy into those stories, why shouldn’t they be able to make some money off of them? but the thing was, it wasn’t just one story they were editing and selling to the publishers, they were taking several of their previous stories and reworking them for profit. that became an integrity issue for me. publish one story to have something under your belt, prove to yourself that you were a good writer and that you could do it, but then take that new found confidence and channel it into original stories. This was (and is) a controversial subject that was slowly dividing the fandom, and then that particular author went and got herself famous. You might know her as  E.L.James…

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Needless to say, after all the drama that followed, I had negative opinions regarding published fanfic. When I took a peek into this fandom’s fanfic though, one story seemed to get mentioned with much love and respect, and that story was A Heart for Milton. I followed a link to Amazon, and just decided to be daring and make a purchase. This circumstance was a little different since the author of the original book was deceased, making it more acceptable to tweak the story, as long as it stayed canon and didn’t veer off into unknown galaxies.  Thornton in a more modern setting could be enjoyable though. maybe as a baker?

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anyways, I was hooked on the story as soon as I started reading it. I could not put it down! John Thornton passing a note to Margaret through a book was priceless “Margaret, do you like me? check yes or no”. okay, that’s not really what it said, it was a bit more eloquent

 

If you have had a change of heart, give me but a sign.
My heart remains forever yours.
John Thornton

Reading that fanfic caused me to not only hunt down other North & South fanfics within the fandom, and leading me to Guy and Marian as well (again, long before I actually watched the series) but it also caused me to give in to viewing the mini-series itself. You’ve met Richard as John Thornton, so you can imagine all the lovely things I was feeling after knowing him with my  eyes, and not just my mind.

did someone say eyes?
did someone say eyes?

 

…and now I’ve forgotten what my actual point was. Armitage eyes make me stupid. so yeah, A Heart for Milton was my gateway to RA Fandom fanfic; best $4 I ever spent.

music question: first song that you ever heard, that you still listen to regularly

Rocky Raccoon by The Beatles

I always pictured Rocky as an actual Racoon, Nancy as a pink Cat, and Dan as a gunslinging Fox. And the doctor was a drunk Owl.

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Yearning

Music & More Challenge

17.) a romantic fanfiction

Journey by gusmi

This is a fluffy story consisting solely of the honeymoon from North & South. It’s not very long and doesn’t have much actual plot, but I enjoy it because of the feelings of “new love” that it provokes.

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Propriety is very important to Margaret but all the new sensations that have been awakened in her by John are warring with that principal. There is a sweet sensuality revolving around simple pleasures like touching each other’s skin and the freedom to caress whenever the mood strikes, etc.

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There is a scene in the very first chapter when they’re on the train and John has dozed off. Margaret is resting her hand upon his shirt and suddenly has a curious desire to touch his skin. The sense of forbidden wonder, from Margaret who is attempting it and John who is feigning sleep just so he can feel it, is addicting!

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There are a lot of “you mean the world to me” sentiments but the way that the author chooses to describe what John and Margaret are thinking and feeling has a flow that is almost poetic at times. This is one of the first fanfics I read in this fandom and I go back to it from time to time when I need a quick fix 🙂

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music question: a favorite love song

These Arms of Mine by Otis Redding

This song is full of heartache and yearning and I feel it in my chest each time that I listen. It doesn’t make me feel sad necessarily, but just the wanting.

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Electric Thornton

…the expression of a well-made man

appears not only in his face,

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It is in his limbs

and joints also,

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it is curiously in the joints

of his hips and wrists,

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It is

in his walk,

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the carriage

of his neck,

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the flex of his

waist and knees,

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dress does not hide him,

The strong sweet quality he has

strikes through the cotton and broadcloth,

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To see him pass

conveys as much as the best poem,

perhaps more,

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You linger to see his back,

and the back of his neck

and shoulder-side.

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…O I say these are not the parts and poems of the body only,

but of the soul, O I say now these are the soul!

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from I Sing the Body Electric
by Walt Whitman