because looks can be deceiving

a #CelebRAteLove contribution

if you follow my posts on Twitter
you might think that I’ve moved on
that I’ve lost that loving feeling
found a new bae to dote upon

well, you’d be wrong.

140 characters makes it really hard to impart
what’s in my heart!

and if you’ve stumbled upon my skewed attempts
at personal enlightenment
but just can’t seem to figure out
what I’m blathering on about

well, that makes two of us.

but I think we can agree
that Richard is da bomb diggity!
(top that, WikiRhymer!)

so I may not post his pictures
quite as often as before
or squee, and swoon, and sigh
about all that I adore

but rest assured, when all is said and done
Richard’s still my number one.

❤ ❤ ❤

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Look After My Heart

Blog Introspection Challenge

5.) Which post got the most views?

When it comes to blog stats, I prefer to read between the lines a bit. Some posts get a lot of views because other people were kind enough to link or reblog them, thus bringing in a lot of new readers. 

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other times, things that are said in the comment section (drama) bring people in apart from the post itself. 

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I’m choosing to interpret this question as the post that received the most views in one day. so in that regard, it would be “Release”, with 696 views. In this post I was celebrating my first year of blogging by sharing a poem I wrote about Richard for the occasion. It was a little bit personal and a whole lot scary to share that poem. not only because it was in poetry form, which was a detour from my regular joking manner, but also because I was admitting personal feelings about Richard. 

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I had shared personal feelings before but this time was a little different. I used to write poetry a lot during my teenage years and into my early 20’s. I saw it as a fun challenge to find the words I wanted to use, making them rhyme while still conveying the meaning I was looking for, and keeping true to the tone I had set. 

what word rhymes with
what word rhymes with “fine”? ugh. it’s just not coming to me…

it was a helpful way to work through thoughts and feelings that I felt were either too trite to admit to or too difficult to make coherent. I still enjoy playing with words but I don’t write them down in poetry form as much anymore. so doing so this time, made me feel very vulnerable. 

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The response I received was overwhelming, in a very gratifying way, and so now the poem has become doubly special to me. 

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The symphonies he frees in me

will always find a dance 

❤ ❤ ❤

“If”

I’ve had some heavy things on my mind lately…and I’m sick of it! So I’ll be back here soon to have some fun! In the meantime: I was reminded of a poem that someone left for me in the comments of this blog, once upon a time, when I really needed it. I needed it again today and as I reread it, so much of it reminded me of Richard. And so I think it belongs here.

 

Recognise-3

 

If

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

 

If you can dream-and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think-and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

 

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I Gotta Feeling

Music & More Challenge

31.) favorite audio performance

ah, the voice. so much to choose from! I’ve listened to most of Richard’s audio performances: books, poems, adverts, etc. and there are several things about certain ones that I really enjoy, but it’s hearing him read “Code Poem for the French Resistance” that is my favorite, hands down.

The poem itself seems romantic to begin with but then you add in that deep whisper-like cadence and I am gone! I feel it, tightly, in the middle of my chest. when he says “pause” I get a shiver every.single.time.

I gotta feeling...
I gotta feeling!

music question: a favorite vocal performance

I Was  Broken, sung by Robert Pattinson

this is a performance that you either love or you hate. even though it’s very raw and his voice cracks quite a bit as he goes along, it’s always touched something inside of me. Before “Twilight” hit but after “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”, Robert used to do open-mic nights sometimes with his musician friends. I suspect it gave him a venue to unleash something that he couldn’t do in the public eye he suddenly found himself in. no one knew it was “Cedric” up there on that stage, they just thought it was some dude learning how to play and perform the guitar. This song was written (and later recorded) by his friend, Marcus Foster. Robert’s version sounds different but the lyrics are the same. The lyrics themselves dig down deep and get to that place that you wish you could forget but probably shouldn’t.

 

Tired of the sound I’ve heard before
The gnawing of the night time at the door
Haunted by the things I’ve made
Stuck between the burning light and the dusty shade

but it’s this performance that speaks to me, makes me want to cry but frees me at the same time. I can hear that in his voice, he’s purging himself of something and it’s so raw and passionate! there’s also a video, though quite blurry, that shows the performance about half way through the song. it skips the beginning verses, which I miss hearing, but you can see how he’s throwing himself into the song, forgetting where he is for those few minutes and just feeling.

when I first heard this performance, I was entranced by it. I listened to it over and over and over again for days on end. it was something I needed at that time, something that told me hey, you’re not the only one. I feel too and sometimes it’s a heavy burden to bear. I went through a time where I tried to shut my emotions off. it was just so exhausting to feel all of the time. it didn’t work out the way I thought it would. I missed the happy times and I missed the depth. I missed the laughter and I missed the hope. I came out the other side with a better understanding of what it means to be me though. someone said “it’s not that we don’t feel, it’s that we feel too much” and that is how it is for me. I’ve been learning to embrace it. I don’t want to close myself off like that, just because it’s easier. nothing worth having is ever easy.

the Crinkles make my toes feel warm & toasty
the Crinkles make my toes feel warm & toasty

with the poem that Richard reads, I feel it physically in the middle of my chest. with the Robert Pattinson song, I feel it on my collarbone. when I read something angsty, I always feel it in my pinky fingers. isn’t that weird?

I'm going to keep the location of this feel to myself...
I should probably keep the location of this feel to myself…