and everything changed

Fan A-Z Challenge

E.) Which of RA’s audio chARacters do you think he should play in a film adaptation?
I’m going to skip this question because I’m not a fan of audio books. I liked A Convenient Marriage, Venetia was okay, Lords of The North put me to sleep, and I quit Hamlet 20 minutes in.

 

F.) Name a play that you wish RA would do.
I’m not a big theatre goer. not that I don’t like plays, I do, I just haven’t had the opportunity to see many. my grand total is 8, most of which were musicals.

 

G.) How long have you been in the fandom, and how has your attitude to the fandom changed during that time?
The answer to this one is so long winded, it makes up for skipping the previous two!

get comfy, this is going to take awhile…

I started lurking in this fandom in January of 2013, before starting this blog 4 months later. I announced my decision to stop blogging about Richard Armitage in late August of 2016- only to go against that decision and create a temporary blog to work through my confusion. I deleted that blog and moved those posts to my Getting Caught Up In The Mechanism blog, where I now blog about actors and fandom (Richard included). even after I stopped blogging about Richard here, I still kept a toe or two in the fandom by continuing to lurk in a few places. so I’ve been a part of this fandom for 5 years, a ‘superfan’ for 3. truthfully, I started wavering during year two but something kept pulling me back in.

understandable.

In the beginning, fandom was a dream come true for me because talk centered around one subject above all others and pretty much stuck to that subject throughout. I’ve gotten to know many of you through discussing Richard. sharing our experiences in relation to storylines, character traits, aesthetic preferences, etc. this is how my brain works, I learn through story telling. give me a text book and I will fall asleep after page 2 but give me a movie/book/song that is fiction-based-on-fact, and I will eat it up in record time. I had been a member of 2 small groups in 2 different fandoms before this one, so I just assumed I would do the same within the RA blogging community as well. except the community reached farther than I thought it did. there were more blogs to read and comment on, more content to catch up on, more opportunities to interact with other fans…more frustration when the community became distracted by personal issues, opinions, and opposing methods of dealing with conflict. I didn’t sign up for that. I had a lot of positive experiences within the fandom too but the negativity seemed to dim their light. I am highly sensitive to underlying tension. some fans are able to shake that stuff off, ignore it if it doesn’t touch them directly; I am not one of those fans. I feel it in every wink and eye roll. I try to escape it by finding greener pastures, only to step into it again.

a glitch in the Matrix?

All of this was a constant push and pull to me, then Richard jumped into fandom himself, affecting a significant part of my fandom experience. I struggled with how big of a part that was. fandom was fandom and Richard was Richard and never the two shall meet. when they did meet? I cannot put into words how much that confused me and threw me off kilter. I could no longer separate Richard from fandom. when I finally came to terms with it all, observing from the outside instead of participating from the inside, the good memories overshadowed the bad and I was able to let the bitterness go. but that part of me that was damaged by not being able to separate Richard from his fandom never recovered.

August 22, 2014-a date which will live in infamy.

I have such happy memories of my interactions on this blog. the silly captions and all those reaction gifs, the sometimes deep and sometimes shallow but always enjoyable discussions in the comment section, the familiar avatars of my readers and the warm feeling I get when I still see them on Twitter. it’s easier to let the hurt go now that my fangirl heart has fallen for someone else. I don’t regret this blog, I don’t regret the fandom friends I made, I don’t regret falling for Richard. it’s shaped me and helped me grow as a person in ways I didn’t anticipate but greatly value.

❤ ❤ ❤

 

There’s Something About You…

Richard Armitage 30 day challenge

23.) Q: a confession

A: I have a Richard Armitage inspired playlist

I can’t believe I just admitted that. it’s not a lovey-dovey type of thing, certain words or lines within each song remind me of Richard or his characters in some way– not necessarily the whole song, or the focus of the song. I’m willing to share a few of them with you, because evidently I’m not opposed to embarrassing myself endlessly…

better you than me
better you than me

So first on the “why am I admitting this?!” playlist is “Haunted” by Sinead O’Conner and Shane MacGowan. This was picked for the general way that Richard and his characters haunt me on a daily basis. Specifically the chorus:

“you’ve got a way of walkin’,

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you’ve got a way of talkin’. And there’s something about you, and now I know I never ever want to be without you.  I want to be haunted by the ghost…”

I like this part too:

“all the girls ask what’s he like, I say he’s kind of shy but that’s the kind of girl I am, he’s my kind of guy.”

Up next is “Blackbird” by Sarah McLachlan. A classic song of redemption that reminds me of Guy of Gisborne.

“Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see. all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free.”

Number three is “At My Most Beautiful” by R.E.M. The lines that stand out to me:

“I read bad poetry into your machine. I save your messages just to hear your voice

(I would totally do that. both the poetry & saving his voice…)

You always listen carefully to awkward rhymes

(Richard always seems to listen so attentively and I can imagine him trying to be encouraging, even if my poetry was horrible!)

“You always say your name, like I wouldn’t know its you”

(He introduces himself respectfully, even when it’s clear that everyone knows exactly who he is)

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This next one is a bit more serious, “Lover’s Eyes” by Mumford & Sons

“This mirror holds my eyes too bright,  I can’t see the others in my life”

this speaks to me of the downfalls of obsession. It can bring things about oneself into better focus but in so doing, real life tends to get neglected.

“I feel numb beneath your tongue,  beneath the curse of these lover’s eyes.”

The things Richard says and the way he says them, entrances me sometimes; as does that haunting stare of his.

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“tame the ghosts in my head,  that run wild and wish me dead”

that line sounds dire but it’s actually positive for me. This admiration of mine, and all that it entails (especially blogging), helps me tame the chaotic thoughts and emotions that constantly jostle around inside of me.

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The last song that I want to highlight is “Anything Could Happen” by Ellie Goulding. This one just fires up my imagination and I tend to put all the different RA characters into the various scenarios along with me.

“cover your eyes so you don’t know the secret”

“after the war we said we’d fight together”

The important line though, is:

“I’ll give you everything you need, but I don’t think I need you. I know it’s gonna be alright.”

Because as fun as this fandom thing is and as much enjoyment and insight that I inadvertently get from Richard Armitage, I don’t need it/him. I  do enjoy it, though!